Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dreams are that keep me going

After granting graciousness of the might
I unfold the bed sheet and dream at night

Awaiting signals from the one above
With promises erudite as well as suave

Making me realize what I most desire
What I want in life, what I dearly aspire

Dreams are that keep me going
Seeds of faith, they keep on sowing

Rays of hope, blessings of grant
Gift of god, that's all self wants




Dreams play an integral part in the life of every Homosapien. Waking up after a good dream has an escalating positive effect whereas the adverse after effects of a bad dream occur accordingly.

There have been people who stumbled upon some of their most famous discoveries in their dreams, like the German scientist Kekule who discovered the structure of Benzene in his dreams, as well as the legendary Frankenstein being inspired by Mary Shelley's dreams. Various composers claim to have received some of the best melody in their dreams. More recently, my good friend Rishabh Srivastava got the amazing melody of his superhit song Saanwariya in his dream.

There have been numerous cases of people forseeing their future in dreams. The legendary Indian warrior Tipu Sultan maintained a diary of dreams, wherein he used to jot down whatever dreams he used to have, based on which he used to draw conclusions over events happening in his life. There are numerous sites and organizations on dream analysis as well.

As with everyone, I also get dreams, and as the events around me change, so do my dreams. Here in this article I would be mentioning some of the dreams I received in the last [lucky number] 13 months. You may find them weird, but let me tell you, I do wake up wondering what happened as to me receiving such dreams. Am reminding once again, this didn't happen when I was awake, but when I was asleep.

1. 20th November, 1566 + 442, (2008)
I am traveling in a bus, feeling disturbed due to lack of sleep. The human body has no equivalent of sleep, means you can't eat any medicine to cover up your physical rest, so one must have minimum 7 hours of sleep everyday. Hence there must be a check constraint in the back end, implying NO_OF_HOURS >= 7 .

2. 31st March, 4016/2 + 1 (2009)
I am cooking vegetables in a kitchen, and have to decide over what Masala to be added. I am looking at my shelf, wondering which one to pick. Then I decide I should pick on the basis of their salt content. This is as salt is a common element, so an INDEX must be created on it and hence it would be easier to select this.

3. 04th April, 1005*2 - 1 (2009)
I am standing near my bed, with few objects in my hand. I have to put them on the bed, and am thinking over which order to follow so as to drop them. Then it incurs to me, I should drop the one on which PRIMARY KEY is created.

4. 03rd September, 4594 %(mod) 2585 (2009)
Ankit is running in my mind, who happens to be my brother. And as he is related to me, there must be a FOREIGN KEY RELATIONSHIP between both of us.

5. 04th October, 2009 + 2009 - 2009 (2009)
Its Diwali time, and we have received a lot of gifts from our near and dears. We are not sure of how to arrange them, as there are a lot of them. So I decide we would do a PARTITION BY RANGE depending upon the size of data contained in the gifts and store them accordingly.

6. 16th July, 4011 - 2002 (2009)
I am eating food, and my brain is enlightened up with the idea that the stomach is like a TEMPORARY TABLE, in which data is populated at various times of the day through a single source (mouth). From this table, other parts of the human body fetch information from it via DBLINKS, such as Carbohydrates, Proteins, Fats, etc.. A JOB is scheduled in Oracle which TRUNCATES the contents of this table every morning.


Those who are not familiar with databases must be wondering what greek am I talking in. For those familiar with databases, they would have been able to relate with my "pain". People of both worlds would be able to understand my next dream, which was the latest one I had at the point of writing.

7. A day before the last Christmas of the first decade of 21st century (24th December, 2009)
After a long time, I finally get off in my office, an extended vacation covering the months of June and July. I spend good time at home, then me and my parents go to another city to attend some function. There my folks spot some girl, something happens, and guess what occurs next, they force me to marry her.

Being an avid supporter of Bachelorhood, I resent this dreaded action of my folks to marry me at a tender age of 24. Soon we leave for my hometown Jalandhar, from where after leaving my wife behind I go back to Pune, where my office is located. There I indulge heavily in my work, often slogging 15+ hours a day and on weekends as well. This continues for months, till November, till...

till...

till someone in my office accidentally stumbles upon some of my photographs and comes to me saying "Oh, you got MARRIED?? " They start congratulating me, and then I remember, oh, I am married and have a wife as well. And I start wondering, every night I talk to my parents in the night, I did not talk to my wife even once in all those months. This is not right of me, I shouldn't behave with her in this manner. So what I got married to her without my permission, what matters now is that she is my wife, I have to care for her. How would she feel that her husband hasn't even called her up in months? I hope that she isn't depressed or crying over that.

Then I started thinking about her and her achievements pre-marriage. She was a commerce student, and then it flashed in my mind "Oh god, COMMERCE! I am a science student, and she is commerce? I don't think she would have been brilliant enough in school." And then I thought "No yaar, that's not the case, intelligent guys also take commerce, even Siddhu is planning to take it next year".

And then I woke up.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

123456789

Can you guess what this is? Hint: A repeat will happen on the 7th of next month.


Click on the image to view it in full size.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The chain of inertia

Ok, here is how it goes. Whatever name comes to my mind, I will write it down, and whichever related word comes to my mind, I will jot it down alongside.

Off we go, start!

Abhishek - Kalia

Kalia - Manoranjan

Manoranjan - SAB TV

SAB TV - Sony TV

Sony TV - Sony Max

Sony Max - Cricket World Cup

Cricket World Cup - 2003

2003 - Plus One over

Plus One over - Apeejay

Apeejay - Jalandhar

Jalandhar - Punjab

Punjab - Number 1 State

Number 1 State - India Today

India Today - Paper

Paper - Trees

Trees - Conserve

Conserve - Water

Water - Problems

Problems - Bachaao! (Help!)


If you are wondering what this is, I have been facing water problems over the last few days at my place in Kalyani Nagar, Pune.



Monday, 8:15 PM - I returned home from office and looked forward to a great dinner ahead, just when I noticed that there was no water in my flush. Thinking that it may have to be repaired again, I started planning whether to call the plumber or to wait till my landlord arrived after his vacation( he is not a plumber, but really good at that). Just then, I noticed, that water wasn't coming in my wash basin. It wasn't coming in the other taps of the wash room. Soon I noted it wasn't coming in all the taps of the house as well.

Shocked. Horrified. Amused. Disappointed. I went down and enquired from the security guard who informed me that water had been cut by the Municipal Corporation and wouldn't come till 8'o clock in the morning.

Fumed by the fishy facts, I took biscuits, chips, and juice for dinner; owing to lack of hunger.

Tuesday, 7:45 AM - I woke up to find that the taps were dry. I started waiting for the water to make a grand comeback into my place.

Tuesday, 9:55 AM - Due to the much delayed comeback, I started thinking of alternate plans as I had to reach office.

I picked up my cell phone.
"Hello"
"Hi boss, is this Ramdev General Store?"
"Yes, speaking"
"Do you have that big mineral water bottle having capacity of 40-50 litres?"
"We have for 20 litres"
"What's the price? "
"70 rupees"
"Chalenga! (Will be fine!) Can you deliver it at my home?" (the shop is outside my society, just a couple of minutes walk)
"Uhh.... Yaaaaa.... What's the address? "
I gave him my address.

Tuesday, 10:23 AM - No grand comeback, as the guy hadn't delivered water, I called him up again to give a gentle reminder, who assured that his boy would reach in 2 minutes.

Tuesday, 10:32 AM -
*DING DONG*
"Hello Boss"
"Hi. You had ordered water? "
"Oh yes . Hope you didn't face any difficulty locating my apartment" (I had heard sounds of a guy stopping lift at every floor, stepping out and stepping back in)
"No, not at all"
"Here, 70 rupees"
"Where's the old bottle? "
"Old bottle? I have ordered for the first time!"
"Ok. Give Rs. 150 then"
"But why? "
"Don't worry, we will give back the money when you return the bottle"
"Ok"
I went to my bedroom, put 70 in my purse, and took out 150.
"Here you go"
"No boss, 150 is the security and 70 is the deposit. You have to give 220"
"But you should have told this on phone! "
"Don't worry, you will get your money back when you return the bottle"

So I gave him the money to complete the grand comeback and finally I had water. Precious water. Transparent water. Goody good water. Half of which I poured in a bucket.

I took a mug, put it in bucket, filled half of it, and started brushing. Staying in Delhi had prepared me for such averse situations, so I was doing these things with ease.

After my teeth received their daily share of morning water, I noted that some water was left in the mug. As it was mineral water, I gulped it down my mouth. Wow. Was cool.

I proceeded towards the bath and finished it. I called my friend in office.

"Hello"
"Hi! "
"Is water coming in office? "
"Yes. Why are you asking this? "
"Trust me, you will get to know soon"

I wore my clothes, took an auto to reach office, and completed the rest of my morning activities there.

Moral of the incident - Spend some part of your life in Delhi. You never know what life-enhancing pressure-reducing things you will learn from there, like the art of taking bath with half a bucket of water!



(Above photograph courtesy Arjun Suri)

P.S. - 1. Abhishek Kalia is the Application Security Expert in my company and widely feared by many for he finds numerous security holes and serious flaws in applications that a layman can't even imagine!

2. Manoranjan Kalia is an electorate from Jalandhar. As he is a Kalia, he and Abhishek have to be distant relatives from their father's side!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jokes on Arjun Suri

Q. Why was Arjun so delighted after watching the movie Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi?

Ans. Because SRK had essayed the role of a BUDDHA!




Q. What according to Arjun are bad movies and good movies?

Ans. Bad movies are Singh Is Kinng (record highest opening ever) and Ghajini (biggest collections ever).
Good movies are Paheli, DON, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.


Q. Why won't Arjun like Chandni Chowk to China?

Ans. For three reasons.
1. SRK isn't related to Chandni Chowk.
2. SRK isn't related to China.
3. SRK isn't acting in the movie.




Q. According to Arjun, which is the best state of India?

Ans. West Bengal, because it is the home of Kolkata Knight Riders.



Q. Why does Arjun watch only Star Plus?

Ans. Because they don't showcase programs like Khatron Ke Khiladi, Bigg Boss, MTV Roadies, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Dus Ka Dum, etc. which have high TRP's. He watches Star Plus so that at least someone will watch KBC3 and Panchvi Pass.




Q. What is Arjun's perception of an ideal family?

Ans. An ideal family is one in which the Dad drives a Hyundai i10, the wife applies Himani Navratan Oil, the son wears Tag Huer wristwatch, the daughter operates a Compaq Presario Notebook, all of them wear Belmonte clothes on special occasions, celebrate the good times by drinking Pepsi, and for inspiration read Still Reading Khan by Mustaq Sheikh.



Q. Why is Arjun a huge fan of SRK?

Ans. God knows. Becuase he is not a fan of Akshay Kumar who made it being despite hailing from a middle-class family in Delhi, he is not a fan of Amitabh Bachchan who is an icon, he is not a fan of Aamir Khan whose movies have been nominated for Oscars, he is not a fan of A R Rahman who doesn't believe in fakism, he is not a fan of Ranvir Shorey who has done variety of roles, he is not a fan of [insert anyone's name here].



* For those who are wondering who he is, Arjun is the quintessential human who has gifted his friends a reason to smile, his parents a reason to believe in god, his relatives a reason to appreciate the innocence in mischief, his brother a reason to be pampered, his best buddy a reason to update his blog....

(Note- The above post is written without intention of hurting anyone. I have equal respect for everyone and nothing is meant to be taken seriously. Images courtesy various sources on the Internet).

Monday, December 15, 2008

P W K



Priya bachpan mein ek bahut hi seedhi-saadhi U.P. ke gaon ki chori thi. Use Duniyadaari ka D tak nahi pata tha aur itni zyaadi bholi hoti thi ki gaon waalo ko chinta hoti thi ki bade hokar uska kya hoga.

Priya kaha karti thi "Duniya ke saare ladke humre bhai hain, sirif aur sirif ek ko chodh kar, woh hain humre bauji".

Jab Priya badi hui, woh padhaai karne ke liye Amity College, Noida gayi. Wahaan jaakar use pankh lag gaye aur usne udhna shuru kar diya. Aur woh bhi itna zyaada, ki usne kehna shuru kar diya

"Meiiinnn naaaaa, saaaadi karuuungi naaaa, to sirif saaaaru khaan se karoongi...... mein naaa, saaaadi karuuungi naaaaa, to sirif reeeetik rosan se karuuuungi....... mein naaaa, saaaadi karuuuungi naaaa, to sirif ameeeer khaaan se karuuungi......."

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Lekin jodiyaan to rab banaata hai. Yaju, jiski harkatein poore Punjab, Haryana, Himachal Pradesh aur Delhi mein charchit thi, se un jagahon par ek bhi ladki nahi pati. Woh itna zyaada desperate ho gaya ki ek rangeeli shaam ko Noida aaya, Atta Market mein. Wahaan usne Priya ko paani-puri khaata hue dekha. Dekhkar Yaju ko kuch kuch hone laga. Kyunki Noida mein bahut garmi thi, paseena uske kapdo ke andar beh raha tha, use khujli ho rahi thi aur woh kar bhi nahi paa raha tha.

Yaju mein SRK ka Casanova-pan nahi tha, na usme Hrithik ka style tha, na Aamir ki personality; lekin uske paas dimaag tha. Usne apne mobile mein "Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam" bajaana chalu kiya aur lip-synch karne laga. Priya ko laga ki itna achcha gaana Yaju gaa raha hai. Phir kya tha, khuda meharban to gadha pehelwan, do made-for-each-other desperate logon ka chat mangani pat vivah ho gaya.



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Vivah paschaath, ek din Priya ki poorani saheli Isha usse milne uske ghar gayi. Usne dekha ki ghar ka darwaaza nahi tha, aur saath mein likh raha tha "Darwaaza repair ke liye gaya hua hai, kyunki usme khatkhataane par awaaz nahi aati". Usne door bell bajaayi to awaaz nahi aayi, uske saath mein likh rakha tha "Save electricity".

Isha andar gayi, to kya dekhti hai, ki Yaju pet ke bal bistar par leta hua hai, aur Priya oil se uski peeth ki maalish kar rahi hai, yeh kehte hue

"Yahiiii mere saaaaaru khaaan hain..... yahiiii mere reeeetik rosan hain..... yahiiii mere ameeeeeer khaaan hain.........."

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Vivah paschaath, ek din Yaju ka ghanisht mitra Abhishek usse milne uske ghar gaya. Veh andar gaya to use Chameli ke tel ki badbu aayi. Usne apni naak band ki aur bedroom ki taraf badha. Andar koi nahi tha, aur bistar par ek kagaz ka tukda padha tha, jis par likha hua tha


"Meri mannaton ki maala, fiza-e-jannat ka ehsaas
Aakhon ki barkat, noor-e-ulfat ka nivaas
Khwabon ki parchaai, jasbon ki kranti
Woh tum thi Priya, haan tum thi"

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Sitting on the seashore...

You can't expect the waves to come at you every time, you have to take the initiative of going near the sea in order to make things happen.

If you are wondering why I am saying this (yes you are wondering), I am referring to a close friend of mine who likes a girl and is planning to propose her soon.

When my friend revealed the fact that he was in love, I was shocked as well as elated.

Shocked because in school/college he was extremely shy, used to stay away from romantic stuff, never looked at a girl from that angle, and hitherto indulged in a GD on girls.
Elated because I became assured that my friend was normal, i.e. a guy who was interested in girls.

My friend has planned a date for when he will be telling his feelings to the girl, and obviously a million things would be running in his mind right now. He isn't exactly sure of what to do then, and has decided that he will tell her whatever will come to his mind at that time.

Poor chap. He has to realize that this is the 21st century, in order to cook aloo-gobhi you have to put the right blend of spices, the right amount of oil, the perfect mix of condiments, all at the right time.

Here is a list of few things that my friend can do in the wake of the most important thing happening in his life right now. Each list item consists of Action, Time Interval, and the Reason for doing it.

An action can be executed among the following Time Intervals
~|pre|~ :: Before proposal.
~|post - oh yeah :) |~ :: After proposal, if it gets accepted
~|post - oh no :( |~ :: After proposal, if it gets rejected (naturally, my friend is afraid of that)
~|bongo|- :: During proposal, this is what his state of mind will be at that moment

All set? Here we go!

Action - Sing an old song
Time Interval - ~|bongo|~
Reason - You must have heard your elders saying that the quality of music today is nothing compared to what it used to be in their times (you will also say the same after 40 years). Our generation might be enjoying the newer stuff more than the older one but won't deny that the songs of yore had a class of their own. The fact that they sound evergreen even now is a testimony to that.

On the day of their meet, my friend should sing some fantastic songs for the girl like "Aaja aaja main hoon Pyaar tera", "Chaahe koi mujhe junglee kahe", "O haseena zulfonwali", "Tarif karun kya uski", etc..

The purpose isn't to melt her heart, but to entertain her. My friend "sings" very well, and if he "dances" along with it, it will be an icing on the cake.

Action - Make use of what girls like
Time Interval - ~|pre|~ , ~|bongo|~
Reason - There are things that girls like but boys don't and vice-versa. That's the reason why couples fight, and address these as incompatibility issues. I advise my friend to remain informed about the things that girls admire and make full use of those facts.

On D-Day, he should put on a lip gloss, wear a maskara, get his hair straightened, donne a trendy skirt with matching heels, and after a while should whisper in her ear "John was looking so HOT in Dostana".

Action - Show her a Photo shoot Calender / Models Magazine
Time Interval - ~|bongo|~
Reason - He should take the calender/magazine and show photos to her one-by-one, telling her "See this girl, she is so characterless to pose in such way, but you aren't one" "See her, she is a supermodel, very pretty, but not pretty as you" "See these 10 girls standing together, they are looking like a Nuclear bomb but right now you are looking like a Hydrogen bomb", etc.. This will ensure the girl that her qualities of good character, sense of dressing, way of talking, etc. etc. (you know how girls think about themselves) are being appreciated.

For getting photos, you have to buy/download them first. Note that I haven't added the category ~|pre|~ . That's because my friend downloads such photos and deletes them after a while. He may still be having some with him, so he won't have to download afresh. He is so honest that if you question him about it, he won't deny.

Action - Buy a 1 Rupee Wilkinson Blade
Time Intervals - ~|pre|~ , ~|bongo|~
Reason - He should take the blade, imbibe her name on his forearm, show it to her and say "Tattoos are out, blades are in, whaddya say girl, I'm your shin shin" (don't refer the dictionary, she will be so shocked seeing the blade marks that she won't notice a word of what he would saying).

Action - Go to the doctor
Time Intervals - ~|post - oh yeah :) |~ , ~|post - oh no :( |~
Reason - Irrespective of what she says, he will have to go to the doctor to put bandages on his blade marks.

Action - Buy a Himesh Reshammiya's 100 songs Signature Collection
Time Intervals - ~|post - oh yeah :) |~ , ~|post - oh no :( |~
Reason - If she accepts the proposal, then he will have loads of songs to listen to, so that he would think about her, feel her, giggle and get lost in another world.

If she rejects, then also he will have loads of songs to listen to, so that he would think about her, feel her, cry and get lost in another world.

Action - Receive good wishes from people
Time Interval - ~|pre|~
Reason - Its a known fact, that when you wish for someone from your heart, the thing actually happens.

So I request you to go to the comments section and give my friend your blessings/good wishes/words of encouragement. May god be with him and he get the love of his life. He has always been faithful towards her (ignore the Angelina Jolie's wallpapers that he used to set), and has done a lot of good deeds in life (at times he has bullied his sibling, but has acted as a really good mentor for him as well).

Our wishes are with you my friend, may god bless, all the best!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Wish I was a child again



Now now, this is something that we all say, for various reasons varying from wandering carelessly -to- sleeping in mother's arms -to- playing with mud -to- fighting with our siblings -to- riding the see-saw -to- standing on the weighing scale so as to see a very less reading -to- not driving through congested areas....

My reason is different.

[<|>]

When we were tiny tots, almost everyone used to ask us "Beta, aap bade hokar kya banoge?" Mostly our answers used to be "A teacher", "A doctor", "An actor", or "A superhero", with an innocent smile on the face.

If I were a child again, I'd have said "Main bada hokar Property Dealer banoonga!", with an innocent smile on my face and hands on my pocket, symbolizing how rich I would be.

[<|>]

I remember the time I was 6 years old. On the way to school, I used to pass by a shop called "Jagga Property Dealer". Seeing him, I used to think "What does this guy do? He just sits on a chair, gossiping with people." How I wish I had also learnt the art of gossiping and sitting on a chair, instead of learning stuff like the Human Anatomy / Nuclear Physics / Complex Mathematics....

[<|>]

Years ago, there were barren areas on the outskirts of my city where no one used to go (such areas are in every city). I used to detest going there as well and felt that no one should build a home there, as those areas were too far from the main city, having no infrastructure at all.

Now I wish that I should have insisted on to my parents "Papa papa, mujhe wahaan pe zameen chahiye, chahiye, CHAHIYE!" and so we'd have purchased huge amounts of land there, whose value would have become 5/10/20/50 times within a few years due to all the I.T. / Multiplexes / lush socities / business centres being developed there.

[<|>]



Remember how we were made to shout "Jai Jawaan, Jai Kisaan" by our teachers? And the basic neccessties were "Roti, Kapda aur Makaan", in that order?

Had I been a child again, I'd have shouted "Jai Jameen, Jai Kisaan" and the basic necessities would have been "Makaan, Kapda aur Roti", in that order. This is as according to the Governments of various countries, there is too much of food on our planet, because of which most of the farms posessed by farmers are useless. Hence they must be taken over and converted to something on which Industries can be developed, so that the country's economy will recieve a boost leading to a more "prosperous nation".

[<|>]

To become a Real Estate Agent ( an H.S. alias for Property Dealer), you don't need to be graduate, at least in India. You don't need to pass Plus Two. Even 10th isn't needed. All you need to do is to possess land, which doesn't require any educational qualifications.

If I were a child again, I'd have invested the money used in my education for the purchase of land. And then shouted aloud on the roof of my house "Marks Aren't Everything!"

[<|>]

To all the Property Dealers / Real Estate Agents reading this :: Yours is a very noble profession, as you are fulfilling a basic necessity of people so that they won't have to sleep on the footpath. Take into consideration that everyone can't pay Rs. 50,000 in a single go, or sign a bond to live for one year, or adjust to live with all sorts of people in order to save money, or take a loan from the bank as his/her parents aren't too rich. Those who leave their families and travel thousands of kilometers in order to fulfil their dreams should be helped, not looted.

To those wishing to become a Property Dealer :: Go for it, if you intend to perform your duties with good intent and are actually going help the people in getting the accomodation of their choice, at reasonable price. There are some people in this field who are angelic and very helpful, but unfortunately their number is less.

Everyone :: Thanks for reading my post. :-)