Why I am not a successful human

If, like me, you also do not consider yourself as successful, then read on.

What makes me call myself as not successful? Simple. Go make a list of people that you consider as successful. Do I feature on the list? I confidently assume not. So I am not successful.

These are the reasons I have been a consistent non-achiever.

1. Nazar Suraksha Kavach.

I return home from a tiring day at work (it’s not easy pretending to be busy for 12 hours so many days a week) and to relax myself I turn on the TV. All I see on Entertainment channels are ads of Nazar Suraksha Kavach (wondering what’s that then click here) giving me various reasons to go for it and save myself from all the troubles. That is no matter how well educated and spiritually enlightened I am there is no escaping the wrath of a ‘buri nazar’ from people around me.

The intellectually challenged that I am for giving preference to logical thinking over these tried and trusted mechanisms (click here), I do not succumb to wearing a Nazar Suraksha Kavach on my body.

2. Unfair and lovely.

If I share my views on a religion I do not practice, I’d get a barrage of lawsuits thrown at me.
If I raise incidents of corruption being practiced somewhere, I'd receive life threats.
If I question certain people over their decisions, the lives of people close to me would come under a scanner.
So this means there is definitely something undoable in these actions.

Every year we get a barrage of new advertisements on TV depicting that your talent or degree or persona or diligence won’t fetch you as many rewards as having a fair skin would. Going by their consistent coverage on our Television it means there’s definitely something divine about them.

It’s my shortsightedness that I do not make use of these products for I consider god gifted features as the prettiest.

Image Source - Lowe and Partners

3. Don’t follow any Successful Guru.

There are so many Successful Guru’s out there dolling out mantras for success. Mantras as in
“Recite these words from this book and you’d attain success in life”.
“Follow this procedure and there would be no evil influence on you”.
“My purpose is to help you, so keep following my sermons and you’d remain on the right track”.

Instead of believing in them I believe in philosophies such as all humans are equally divine, relying too much on someone else’s words restricts your own thinking abilities, and no one can solve your problems other than you yourself.
So instead of ‘Babaji ki kripa’ I receive a ‘Babaji ka thullu’.

Image Source - Comedy Nights With Kapil

4. Don’t follow the herd.

I do not have a role model that I follow blindly. Because I firmly believe that every human has his / her own destiny and following someone else means we let go of what is destined for us.

I see people who implement life steps based on what others have done. If you consider someone as successful and they've been doing this, then thank you for further validating my prophecy.

So you see, my priority is to follow my natural instincts rather than follow someone else’s. I successfully let go all of it.

5. Chain emails.

I still get emails from people stating that bad luck would reach me if I did not forward it to 20 people within the next 24 hours. In all such instances I end up applying principles of Computer Science that offer no explanation as to how could 0’s and 1’s have such divine powers, and hence I end up hitting the Delete button. Beautifully disastrous steps.

But if you are unlike me and do believe in those chain mails then here goes.
Forward this article to 3 people in the next 16 minutes, otherwise a lot of calamities would occur on you.
If you are a medical student then you would not get married unless your studies are completed.
If you are a Software professional then you would get to work on a legacy project with nearly zero documentation.
If you are an arts graduate then your love interest would publicly address you as ‘bhaiya’ / ’behen’.
If you are from a business family then your folks would make you post graduate before you can start working.
If none of the above then the winning lottery ticket would be the one that you did not buy.
Which lottery ticket? Well, why ask when you aren't going to win it anyway?

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography

ए Manager, मेरे Claims Approve करवा दे....

(Is the poem based on real events or a work of fiction, it should be inferable for the reader)

ए Manager, मेरे Claims Clear करवा दे

Rejected Entries पर हाँ की मोहर लगवा दे

शुरू के इक्कीस दिन जो होटेल में बिताये थे

Hertz टॅक्सी से ऑफीस के चक्कर लगाये थे

रोज़ रात को उत्कृष्ट व्यंजनो के स्वाद लिये थे

शर्ट धुलवाने के लिये सौ रुपये खर्च किये थे

अपनो हर्षोउल्लास के किस्से दोस्तों को सुनाना

उन्हे अच्छे से जलाकर स्वाद लेना

किसको पता था की नज़र लग जायेगी

अच्छे से मेरी बैंड बज जायेगी

HR वालो ने जो ज़ख़्म दिये हैं

उन घावों पर नमक अभी बाकी हैं

ए Manager, मेरे Claims Approve करवा दे

अश्क़ों के साये में दिये जलवा दे

8 बजे के बाद मैं ऑटो से जाता हूँ

पेट भरने के लिये खाना मँगवाता हूँ

अक्सर मैं Weekends पे Office आता हूँ

Clients को अपने Cell से STD Calls मारता हूँ

वो तन्हा रातें, वो बेपनाह चाहतें

जो तुमने दी, वो सुरीली बातें

क्या खोया, क्या पाया, बस इज़्ज़त नहीं गवाया

इसलिये ना चाहते हुए भी Client का फोन उठाया

ए Manager, ये लम्हे तुझसे और कुछ नहीं मांगते

बस इतना, की मुझे Footpath पर आने से बचा ले

ए Manager, मेरे Claims Approve करवा दे....

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography

-----

ae manager, mere claims clear karva de

rejected entries par haan ki mohar lagawa de

shuru ke ikkees din jo hotel mein bitaaye the

hertz taxi se office ke chakkar lagaaye the

roz raat ko utkrisht vyanjano ke swaad liye the

shirt dhulwaane ke liye sau rupaye kharch kiye the

apno harshoullas ke kisse doston ko sunaana

unhe achche se jalaakar swaad lena

kisko pata tha ki nazar lag jaayegi

achche se meri band baj jaayegi

HRIS walo ne jo zhakham diye hain

un ghaavon par namak abhi baaki hain

ae manager, mere claims approve karva de

ashqon ke saaye mein diye jalwa de

8 baje ke baad main auto se jaata hoon

pet bharne ke liye khaana mangwata hoon

aksar main weekends pe office aata hoon

clients ko apne cell se STD calls maarta hoon

woh tanha raatein, woh bepanah chahatein

jo tumne di, woh sureeli baatein

kya khoya, kya paaya, bas izzat nahi gawaaya

isliye na chahte hue bhi client ka phone uthaaya

ae manager, yeh lamhe tujhse aur kuch nahi maangte

bas itna, ki mujhe footpath par aane se bacha le

ae manager, mere claims approve karva de....

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography