Wacky Ways of Irritating Australians on the Cricket Field

Australia is the best team in the world when it comes to bashing - given an opportunity everyone (barring their native people) likes to bash them for all sorts of reasons. It gives immense pleasure to those who aren't able to match up to their admirable cricketing skills. On the field the opposing team never says a word to them as they fear it'll ignite the daemons inside their 6'6'' tall cricketers and they'll butcher them like helpless innocent animals.

As of late, Indians, who are considered to be among the most peaceful and cool-minded in the world (no arguments please), seem to be taking a lot of pride challenging the Australians and testing their temperament. S Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh have acted as trendsetters for people belonging to other parts of the world by showing that now they also can "bully" the mighty Aussies (Gandhigiri anyone?).

The Australians are extremely hot blooded, and can be easily irritated. Here is a list of ways to how you can also achieve the same when playing a match against them.

1. If you belong to the Indian Subcontinent and are bowling, start shouting sentences to the keeper having the words "mann ki"(means 'of mind' in Hindi/Urdu). If any of the Australians get angry thinking that you are making references to the case that Symonds lost against Harbhajan, tell them that you are speaking in your native language which in no way happens to be racist/offensive.


2. Walk up to any of their players, point towards Symonds, and ask "Shall I call him a Monkey?" Crackers will start bursting inside the player's mind even before you finish the question and he is bound to let off some of the effects of the fireworks on you also, but in that case just smile and say that you've simply asked a question and haven't called him a Monkey.

If you want to try something extreme, tell Symonds that he is like a Monkey. Then, before he gives you a punch, tell him that you haven't said that he is a Monkey, you've simply said that he is like a Monkey (pretty dire, but will definitely revolve his head).*


3. If you are a member of the crowd, dress up in Indian attire and wear masks of Harbhajan Singh or S Sreesanth. Then whenever an australian batsman gets out, get into the stadium and start dancing so as to taunt them. If you are dressed like S Sreesanth then perform break dance(a la Michael Jackson) and if dressed like Harbhajan Singh then do Bhangra(just lift your hands in air in quick succession).




4. Whenever you get a chance, remind the Aussies of their defeats. When playing, walk up to a player and tell him about how Australia lost the 2005 Ashes, how Australia lost the 2007 VB Series 3-0, how Australia lost three matches in the inaugural Twenty20 World Cup, how they created hoopla before the Perth Test against India in 2008 which they ultimately lost, etc. (any one will do, you need not narrate all of them). This will anger the Australian like anything and he'll start narrating about the greatness of the Australian team and their other magnificent wins. The expressions of anger on his face will be priceless - he'll go on blabbering without even noticing that you aren't listening to him.


5. The problem that batsmen often face when playing against Australia is that the ball just doesn't come on the face of the bat, because of which most of the players get out Bowled, LBW, or caught behind when attempting to hit a wide ball. In order to make sure that the ball strikes the wooden leather every time, put stickers of Harbhajan Singh or S Sreesanth on the lower portion of your bat. The bowlers will make sure that each and every ball of them hit that part of the bat, so that they can fulfill their satisfaction of walloping them, but actually that will give easy hits to the batsman.


6. When batting against them, whenever one of their players make an appeal that is turned down by the Umpire, go and tell the bowler "Why are you appealing? He isn't Steve Bucknor!"




So, as a message to all those who are competing against Australia, remember that they aren't invincible. They might be a fantastic team, but can be easily defeated by making use of funky tactics and zingy management.


* - No racial stuff intended, please excuse. We Indians aren't racists, the biggest democracy in the world respects all races and religions.

(Note- The above post is written without intention of hurting anyone. I have equal respect for everyone and nothing is meant to be taken seriously).