An open letter to Punjab Police

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography

Respected legal law enforcers,

Jai Hind! Satyamev... er, please excuse.

I have a heartfelt request. Kindly contemplate fulfilling it.

My request is to -->> Start conducting classes for general public, over how to deal with Punjab Police.
That is
1. How to secretly slip money in their pockets.
2. How much amount to be given for what all occasions.
3. Which tone to be used for conversing with Policemen that makes one sound "assertive" yet "co-operative".
4. Convincing the target audience that how this act is actually more beneficial for them rather than taking the normal legal route.

Let me illustrate that using few anecdotes.

Recently my friends were hanging around in a car, and after some time the driver removed his seat belt for fleeting few seconds, but that was enough for him to get caught by the police. He is so naive that while conversing with the policeman he did not understand my friend's signals of "under the hood" and "documents at home". So he was given a Challan, and had to visit courts on multiple occasions to get his Driving License and RC back. Standing in heat, waiting for several hours, only to hear that his date was postponed. It took several weeks for the matter to get resolved. But then it is not Punjab Police's fault that our system is like this, is it? Rather they offer a more efficient way over which such hassles are prevented and the money one spends is much less than the overall time. Time equals money, ain't it?

In another instance a male colleague hailing from another state paid Rs. 10 to the policeman for not wearing a helmet while driving a two-wheeler. This offended the policeman as he felt he was being paid peanuts. My seemingly innocent friend didn't know that this is Punjab where people have the habit of making it large. Be it farmhouses, Butter & Cream laden items, private tuition fees, fertilizers, or few recent events involving hard drugs.

There are numerous examples of how the common human needs to avail services of Police. Registering FIR over "petty thefts", protection from "local goons", staying out of involvement in "controversial court cases", etc. A normal human like me cannot imagine all such aspects, but a Policeman knows them in detail, and it'd definitely help if they provided an exhaustive case study to the general public.

To avoid a Deja-vu of what happened between Doctors and THAT episode of Satyamev Jayate, let me utter the following.
I have genuine respect for the Police force. Controlling crime isn't easy and some even risk their lives. Standing in heat all day and keeping a check on what's going around, is something everyone cannot do. People of Punjab owe a lot to Policemen for removing the terror situation of 80's and early 90's thereby restoring normalcy. There are several honest cops out there whose image takes a beating due to the dishonest ones.
As I type this I am not shedding any tears. Thus preventing another controversy of them getting branded as "fake".

Amen. May peace prevail.

Lets wish that Punjab Police does hold these informative sessions for general public. It would benefit all parties involved. I have more hope over these sessions getting conducted, rather than the system undergoing makeover.

Mahaul Theek Hai!

P.S. - 1. The above article was a work of fiction, inspired by real incidents.
2. Lets see how many readers reply back saying "Arrey Punjab ka hi nahi, sab jagah ki Police ka yahi haal hai...".

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography

My first Punjabi Poem

Before I start the narration, let me make a confession, among the three languages that I am most comfortable with (Hindi, English, Punjabi), I am weakest in the one that happens to be my mother tongue, Punjabi - despite growing up in Punjab, most of the people around me communicating in Punjabi, and attaining knowledge of the language in school for 10 years.

The factors attributing to my Punjabi skills being below-par-as-expected are

1. My parents always used Hindi as the language for conversation with me, so that is the one I grew up chitchatting the most.

2. 13 years of my schooling was in a DAV , where a lot of emphasis is given on the rashtra bhasha (national language) primarily on the account of national pride, hence my Hindi skills prospered the most. Post that I spent 2 years in an Appejay school where antarashtriya bhasha (international language, i.e. English) is given prime importance. My college was outside Punjab, so the importance to maatra bhasha (mother tongue, you know which one it is for me) suffered even more.

3. I was always told by my peers to give more importance to English and Hindi, as their accessibility was more and having a good grasp on the same would help me reach out to a broader set of people with ease.

4. I somehow had a notion that Punjabi wasn't a good language, for it was full of swear words, unlike Hindi which was a very soft language (Its another thing that my notion on the latter turned out to be incorrect when I went to college, as I realized that people everywhere echoed similar feelings using different set of alphabets).

 

(a morning in Punjab)

Away from my home, in college, I realized that I was wrong; I should have paid more importance to my maatra bhasha (you now know what that is, if not go to point number 2), as if I won't do that, then who else will?

There are numerous people in the world trying to learn various international languages (one prime reason being that they wish to show that off in various social networking sites and collaborative meetings). No matter however strong or effluent those languages be, they don't have a poet of the stature of Shiv Kumar Batalvi, they don't have a scripture of the level of Sri Guru Granth Sahab Ji, they don't have soulful melodies like Nit Khair Manga and a rich musical heritage, they don't have people like Gurdas Maan and Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan who entertained as well as preached meaningful verses, they don't have comedians like Bhagwant Maan and Jaspal Bhatti who brought out laughter from various heart-wrenching facts of life.

There are numerous other citations I can give, for the time being all I would say is that Punjabi language is one of the most under-promoted in India, a huge chunk of people feel it is just about Bhangra, hurling choicest of abusive words, behaving in a loony manner; what they don't know is that beneath all these is a very solid base on which numerous civilizations are surviving.

Anyway, coming to what this topic was intended to be, I just wrote my first Punjabi poem. Not of the high standards as set by few prominent people like the ones mentioned two paras above, but penning down these verses made me happy - a delightful feeling coupled with excitement and ecstasy.

Poem's situation - When you aren't too happy with the work being given to you by your manager / boss and want him to give you something else / send on-site on some international project.

Poem in Punjabi 

(Punglish version of the same is written below for those who have knowledge of the language but can't read it)

ਮੈੰਨੂ  ਬਾਹਰ  ਭੇਜ , ਤੇੰਨੁ  ਛਡ ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਜੇ  ਏਥੇ  ਰਖਿਆ   ਤੇ  ਵੱਡ  ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਬਕਵਾਸ  ਕਿੱਤੀ ਤੇ  ਭੰਨ  ਕੇ  ਰਖ  ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਔਖਾ  ਹੋਯਾ  ਤੇ  ਟੋਟੇ  ਟੋਟੇ  ਕਰ  ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਝੂਟੇ  ਦਿਲਾਸੇ  ਦੇਣ  ਨਾਲ  ਕੁਝ  ਨੀ  ਹੋਣਾ

ਵੰਗਾ  ਛਿੱਡਕੌਣ   ਨਾਲ  ਮੀ  ਨੀ  ਵਰਨਾ

ਪੁੱਤ  ਸ਼ੇਰਾਂ  ਦੇ  ਤੇਰੇ  ਜਿਹੋ   ਨਾਲ  ਨੀ  ਡਰਦੇ

ਊਚੇ  ਬਾਦਸ਼ਾਹ  ਤੇ  ਸਾਡੇ  ਦਿਲ  ਵਿਚ  ਨੇ  ਵਸਦੇ

ਝੁੰਡ  ਨਹੀ , ਅਪਾ  ਤੇ  ਕੱਲੇ  ਸ਼ਿਕਾਰ  ਕਰਦੇ  ਨੇ

ਮੋਡੇ  ਤੇ  ਦੁਨਾਲੀ , ਹੱਥੇ  ਕਟਾਰ ਰਖਦੇ  ਨੇ

ਕਬਜੇ  ਤੇ  ਅੱਸੀ  ਕਈ  ਕਿੱਤੇ  ਨੇ , ਤੂ  ਕੀ  ਚੀਜ਼  ਹੈ

ਚੜ੍ਹਕ  ਜੁੱਤੀ  ਮਰ  ਜਾਉ , ਏਹਿਯੋ  ਤੇਰੀ  ਔਕਾਤ  ਹੈ

ਜਦੋਂ  ਲਲਕਾਰੇ ਵਜੰਗੇ, ਤਾਈਯੋ ਤੈੰਨੂ  ਅਕਲ ਆਊਗੀ

ਮੌਤ  ਨੂ  ਮਾਸੀ  ਆਖੁਗਾ , ਓਹਿਯੋ  ਵੇਲਾ  ਆਊਗੀ

Poem in Punglish 

(i.e. Punjabi written in English)

mainnu baahar bhej, teinnu chadd diyaaga

je aethe rakhia te vadd diyaanga

bakwaas kitti te bhann ke rakh diyaanga

aukha hoya te tote tote kar diyaanga

jhoote dilaase den naal kujh ni hona

vanga chidkaun naal mee ni varna

putt sheraan de tere jiho naal ni darde

ooche baadshah te saade dil vich ne vasde

jhund nahi, appa te kalle shikaar karde ne

mode te dunaali, haththe kataar rakhde ne

kabje te assi kai kitte ne, tu ki cheez hai

chadhak jutti mar jau, ehiyo teri aukaat hai

jadon lalkaare vajjange, taaiyo tainnu akal aaugi

maut nu maasi aakhuga, ohiyo vela aaugi

(sunrise in Punjab)

Note - Recite this poem to your manager / boss at your own risk.