Widows are being burnt around us

(The following article is a conversation between two 20 something men called Sarvam and Devam over the former sharing views on why he feels the ancient practice of Sati is still alive in modern times, though a widow isn't burnt physically she is made to undergo constant torture by the ones around her. I'd leave it to the reader to imagine if the conversation is real, fictitious, or a piece of fiction inspired by real life incidents).

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography

Devam - The other day I was reading a book on Vedic Literature and was amazed to learn how advanced India was several centuries ago.

Sarvam - That's true. Ain't for nothing we were called The Golden Sparrow!

Devam - But I wonder how come so many evils came up in our society. Sati, for instance.

Sarvam - Yup.

Devam - Thankfully Sati got eradicated where...

Sarvam (Interrupting) - What makes you feel Sati is over?

Devam (puzzled) - Raja Ram Mohan Roy worked proactively towards getting it abolished. You don't read about such incidents these days, do you?

Sarvam - Physically yes, Sati is no longer practiced  But mentally it is, society kills quite a few women in case that tragic incident occurs.

Devam (shaking head) - I need more info on this.

Sarvam - Okay let me ask you a question.

Devam - Yes please.

Sarvam - Think of a girl in her mid-twenties, the kind you studied with in college. There is a lot of jubilation in her family when she gets married with fanfare, complete with all traditional rituals.

Devam (closes eyes, then opens) - Hmm, okay.

Sarvam - Imagine her changing relationship status on Facebook, receiving greetings from all over, putting a lot of photos with her soul mate who'd be her everything and adopting his family as hers.

Devam (keeps eyes closed for a while) - Right.

Sarvam - She is all settled in her new home and her family is considered a "happy family", with some of her female colleagues using the word "lucky" for her on specific occasions such as receiving an anniversary gift.

Devam - Bingo.

Sarvam - Now, close your eyes, feel her happiness and celebrate her existence  Slowly, slowly. Yes. And now... (pauses for a minute)

Devam - What?

Sarvam - She loses her husband in a very sad incident.

Devam - (becomes motionless and does not utter anything).

Sarvam (after a minute) - Now tell me honestly. What would be the reaction of people around her, especially those from older generations?

Devam (in a low voice) - They would say that it is fault of the girl. She must have done some bad karma for which her husband suffered.

Sarvam - Exactly. At her husband's funeral there'd be a lot of people, mostly her contemporaries, deriving sadistic pleasure out of her misery without showing any real empathy.

Devam - (nods head).

Sarvam - Forward to a week after the incident, with the girl still coming to terms with what happened. Now, what clothes should she wear?

Devam (after few seconds) - Society would expect her to wear white..

Sarvam (cuts him) - Exactly. Society. Please continue.

Devam - But she should wear what she wants to. It is her life.

Sarvam - In all probability she wouldn't remain dressed like all the time or do acts in order to evoke sympathy. She would get up and do what she feels is best for her and find out a will to live. She may even imagine that her husband's soul is still alive somewhere and do the kind of things that used to make him happy, like dressing up the way he loved to. She would make herself as strong as possible and find out reasons to survive in this world.

Devam - Yes, that's true. Most people around me would want to lead a good life despite what happened while trying to re-discover the purpose of their lives.

Sarvam - Precisely. Now imagine her in a decent attire, wearing a newly stitched pair of clothes with accessories that compliment her well. There's a grace on her face and it is inspiring to those looking to seek inspiration towards battling the hardships of life.

Devam - Salute to what she's doing.

Sarvam - This is what you feel. Don't you think that there'd be nasty people judging her at every moment and saying stuff like "her husband passed away and she is dressing up in this manner?". Am sure you can think of people around you who have such a thought process, and many are from well-educated families.

Devam - Sadly this is indeed the case. They won't be having the guts to say it on her face, but she might be able to make out such people by the power of intuition.

Sarvam - Right. Long before she got married, she used to dress up well and work towards leading a good life. She's being who she really is. We don't expect a man to roam around in Kurta-Pyjamas all his life if he was in such a situation, do we?

Devam - No, we don't.

Sarvam - And then who should take care of the girl? Her parents 'donated' her during marriage, so it is responsibility of in-laws as she's their daughter now. Aren't there families who'd rather send her back to her parent's home asking them to take care of her, projecting as if it was due to her that their son got killed?

Devam (pauses for a while) - Ideally it is the responsibility of in-laws and not parents for they are her new family members. She left behind everything to get adjusted in their home, and they are priority for her.

Sarvam - Parents are willing to sacrifice themselves for their son. It could involve selling off their ancestral land so as to invest towards son's education or business. How many would do so for their widowed daughter-in-law?

Devam - I.. believe, very few.

Sarvam - And before I go further, let me remind you of our topic of discussion. I feel that Sati is still prevalent in today's times, even though physical body of widowed wife isn't burnt along with her husband. And before I conclude my viewpoints I'd leave you with a set of questions that I'd let you ponder over.
What if her in-laws did take out their hard earned savings towards setting up career of their daughter-in-law?
If they did, how many of them would be openly appreciated by society for setting example within people?
And even after all this, what if the girl met another man in her life and felt the need to get married? She got married in the first place to complete few elements that were missing in her life. Wouldn't it be appropriate if she was given another chance to re-live them?
Wouldn't it be duty of her in-laws to "donate" her to new family as parents? This is what every parent does towards their child by not expecting anything in return irrespective of the gender, isn't it?
And lastly how many people from the society would care to observe that despite the presence of a new man in her life, she hasn't forgotten her first husband and still holds their limited memories in a good stead?

Photo by Arjun Suri Photography