When I wake up
I hear news emphasizing things haven't changed.
When I read public opinion
For crimes on them I see women being blamed.
When I commute
I don't see women roaming as freely as men.
My friendships take a U-turn
When I sense little respect towards women.
When I am with women
I see lack of rights that are essential.
When I am with men
I realize we are wasting our potential.
Harassment is of several forms and the most common ones I witness are leering and Internet stalking. I've observed most men don't sense the graveness of these and that these create issues in future one doesn't sense early on.
=| What's wrong with this?
=| Why must you be concerned about women equality and everyday sexism?
=| Is it not enough that you do not torture anyone physically?
=| How would this make your life better?
Read on to know the answers.
1. Empower yourself.
Have faith that you can achieve your dreams, and I doubt anyone dreams of becoming a harasser.
Wouldn't you like to reach a point where you'd be so happy everyday that you wouldn't even think of harassing someone? Isn't it a realization that you are wasting your chance to lead a better life? Are you confident that you would never have regrets of not achieving your full potential? Opportunity once gone doesn't return.
Work so hard that one would think several times before stopping you from achieving your dreams.
"We believe that every being is divine, is God. Every soul is a sun covered over with clouds of ignorance; the difference between soul and soul is owing to the difference in density of these layers of clouds." - Swami Vivekanand.
2. Believe in trueness.
If you want to know about her family and friends then instead of stalking why not ask her directly?
If she trusts you as a human she'd happily share her life events with you.
If you are not friend of her then prove your worth by becoming one.
If you are not worthy enough then consistently work hard so that not only her rather anyone would feel privileged to have you as friend. Visualize if you'd still want her in your life. I have seen men doing crazy things for women only to forget them once they have another one in their life.
If you lack belief in becoming her friend then stop thinking about her and continue with other daily activities in your life.
In every relation fluff deteriorates with time and it is truth that survives.
3. Why leer at women? Why stalk her?
Besides the fact that public appearances and Social Network profiles have little reflection of what goes on in actual life; there's need for self introspection.
Why do you want to leer or stalk, do you wish to feel good or judge?
If you wish to feel good then that's a mirror of the life you are leading.
There are other ways to feel better such as improving the lives of people around you or providing much needed support to your closed ones. If you are reading this then it means there are people who cared for you and worked to improve your life.
If you wish to judge then somewhere you consider yourself better than her. Are you so satisfied with your own life that you can comment on where others are going wrong? I wonder how you can devote so much time for people you have negative thoughts for and the benefits you are getting out of it.
When you truly care for someone you don't judge them; you merely accept them the way they are.
4. Harassment is contagious.
Put yourself in the shoes of a woman and see how it feels when you happily share your life events, only to see random men deriving pleasure as well as taking intense interest in your personal conversations.
That woman's freedom is being curbed, isn't it?
When such a thing happens to a woman many people in society blame her for sharing that stuff with her friends or on Facebook, without commenting on those who couldn't curb their actions.
Isn't this sad that for no fault of yours you would be made to feel guilty?
I doubt any human feels comfortable being ill-treated.
How serious can this become?
When a man does such a thing he exploits women because he knows that he can. In future, he would wish to exploit women in more ways. He might want to curb their freedom of expression, encourage sexism, detest providing equal opportunities at the workplace, engage in physical violence; harassment would spread on to more forms and the result would be disastrous.
Most men don't realize the need for gender equality till they become father of a daughter who vouches for them.
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| Photo by Arjun Suri Photography |
5. Realize that it's wrong.
You might be a nice guy not knowing that what you are doing isn't right.
I know men who stalk women on the Internet justifying it's meant to be done because their data is in public. I also know men who incessantly stare at various women under the guise of appreciation. If this is the case with you then can you announce your habit to those women and your family members? Are you so proud that you would keep doing this for the rest of your life? If not, then why do all this? Quit ASAP.
There are so many things you can do instead such as investing in self-learning, filing patents, networking with people in your profession, etc. all of whom would enhance your life and possibly leave a better world for coming generations.
You might be fantastic in certain personal relations or at your office but this does not imply that you can harass women at your will. Gradually success fades away but consequences of certain actions remain.
Great power lies in the ability to resist from doing what one can but doesn't because of knowing that it is wrong.
6. A woman gave you birth.
We never agree completely with actions of another human and I believe there is no reason for developing a sexist outlook. All humans are born without an instruction manual and figure their way out. We change with time and mistakes made today become tomorrow's past.
Also, not just your mother but your sister, some of your favourite teachers, the ladies who have made a difference in your lives; all are women. Despite their lives being hellish in few aspects they showed you heaven. By doing this their faith in you would get vindicated. They won't like anyone harassing them, and I believe they won't appreciate you doing the same towards another woman. When you harass a woman, you don't harass just one woman, rather you harass all those who are sensitive towards such actions.
A man unsure of his own existence must look at himself from the eyes of a woman, he would realize how beautiful the world is, which he was probably unaware of.
7. Marital problems.
I have seen men who take too much interest in a woman and consequently form images of her in their mind. Personally they don't know her well but have vivid imaginations of how she is as a human. After marriage they aren't happy because they end up comparing what is in front of them versus what is in their minds. They end up residing in a fictional world having no relevance with the real one and thus their spouse suffers unnecessarily.
Reality is beautiful. There are mistakes, there are chances to make amends, there is giving your best while being uncertain of how things would be in future, and there is the daily struggle for survival.
There is understanding of human nature because ideals don't exist.
There is utmost respect for someone's family members and pretending as if you didn't even note their shades of gray.
There is support when time is unfavourable.
And there is trust that things would turn out in direction of the larger scheme of things.
At your deathbed you won't remember much about harassing someone but you would surely feel for the mistakes you didn't rectify.
Don't bother what they think of you but what you think of them. It's your viewpoint that makes one beautiful.
Go live the awesomeness meant for you. Trust your gut feeling, it always favours Karma.
