Wacky Ways of Irritating Australians on the Cricket Field

Australia is the best team in the world when it comes to bashing - given an opportunity everyone (barring their native people) likes to bash them for all sorts of reasons. It gives immense pleasure to those who aren't able to match up to their admirable cricketing skills. On the field the opposing team never says a word to them as they fear it'll ignite the daemons inside their 6'6'' tall cricketers and they'll butcher them like helpless innocent animals.

As of late, Indians, who are considered to be among the most peaceful and cool-minded in the world (no arguments please), seem to be taking a lot of pride challenging the Australians and testing their temperament. S Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh have acted as trendsetters for people belonging to other parts of the world by showing that now they also can "bully" the mighty Aussies (Gandhigiri anyone?).

The Australians are extremely hot blooded, and can be easily irritated. Here is a list of ways to how you can also achieve the same when playing a match against them.

1. If you belong to the Indian Subcontinent and are bowling, start shouting sentences to the keeper having the words "mann ki"(means 'of mind' in Hindi/Urdu). If any of the Australians get angry thinking that you are making references to the case that Symonds lost against Harbhajan, tell them that you are speaking in your native language which in no way happens to be racist/offensive.


2. Walk up to any of their players, point towards Symonds, and ask "Shall I call him a Monkey?" Crackers will start bursting inside the player's mind even before you finish the question and he is bound to let off some of the effects of the fireworks on you also, but in that case just smile and say that you've simply asked a question and haven't called him a Monkey.

If you want to try something extreme, tell Symonds that he is like a Monkey. Then, before he gives you a punch, tell him that you haven't said that he is a Monkey, you've simply said that he is like a Monkey (pretty dire, but will definitely revolve his head).*


3. If you are a member of the crowd, dress up in Indian attire and wear masks of Harbhajan Singh or S Sreesanth. Then whenever an australian batsman gets out, get into the stadium and start dancing so as to taunt them. If you are dressed like S Sreesanth then perform break dance(a la Michael Jackson) and if dressed like Harbhajan Singh then do Bhangra(just lift your hands in air in quick succession).




4. Whenever you get a chance, remind the Aussies of their defeats. When playing, walk up to a player and tell him about how Australia lost the 2005 Ashes, how Australia lost the 2007 VB Series 3-0, how Australia lost three matches in the inaugural Twenty20 World Cup, how they created hoopla before the Perth Test against India in 2008 which they ultimately lost, etc. (any one will do, you need not narrate all of them). This will anger the Australian like anything and he'll start narrating about the greatness of the Australian team and their other magnificent wins. The expressions of anger on his face will be priceless - he'll go on blabbering without even noticing that you aren't listening to him.


5. The problem that batsmen often face when playing against Australia is that the ball just doesn't come on the face of the bat, because of which most of the players get out Bowled, LBW, or caught behind when attempting to hit a wide ball. In order to make sure that the ball strikes the wooden leather every time, put stickers of Harbhajan Singh or S Sreesanth on the lower portion of your bat. The bowlers will make sure that each and every ball of them hit that part of the bat, so that they can fulfill their satisfaction of walloping them, but actually that will give easy hits to the batsman.


6. When batting against them, whenever one of their players make an appeal that is turned down by the Umpire, go and tell the bowler "Why are you appealing? He isn't Steve Bucknor!"




So, as a message to all those who are competing against Australia, remember that they aren't invincible. They might be a fantastic team, but can be easily defeated by making use of funky tactics and zingy management.


* - No racial stuff intended, please excuse. We Indians aren't racists, the biggest democracy in the world respects all races and religions.

(Note- The above post is written without intention of hurting anyone. I have equal respect for everyone and nothing is meant to be taken seriously).

Cricket - Its just a game

At the time of writing, people across India are furious over their performance in the cricket world cup(they lost to Bangladesh and Sri Lanka). What was touted as a campaign that will end with Indian team returning with the gold seems as if now they fear returning to India. After all, when you have people who throw stones at your homes, who won't be scared?
I was wondering...
--> There are many corrupt people in India, and their incidences don't get publicised. Even when TV Programmes like Sansani(Star News) shows beurocrats taking bribe, how many of us go outside their homes and protest?
--> We ourselves are responsible for giving Cricket so much importance. In shooting, India has performed better than Cricket but how many of us actually pay attention to that sport? Their aren't academies to improve shooting skills of aspiring shooters and most of us won't buy a product if it hasn't been endorsed by a Cricketer or a movie actor/actress.
--> Are cricketers better than the people who come to our home to wash our dishes or clean the house? You must be baffled seeing the comparison, but the thing is, both are simply doing their job, as they dutifully have to do what has been assigned to them. Who knows, some of our domestic helpers were really good at cricket some time ago, but due to financial constraints couldn't make it big.
--> Are we really as expert in our fields as them? Ok, our team might not have won, but atleast they reached this stage. Can we claim ourselves to be the best in what we are doing? We ourselves know that there are people doing a better job than us and at times are hurt by comparisons. So why are we comparing others?
--> The time that is spent in watching a cricket match can be put for other activities also, and we all know that. Watching TV is one of the easiest things to do, and we can switch channels any time.
--> Finally, cricket is just a sport. There has to be a winner as well as a loser. According to my ideology a real sportsperson plays for more for enjoyment than winning. If you enjoyed whatever you were doing, then you won. I can't go on the field and practice foul play simply for winning the match.
I will be watching India's next match. Old habits die hard, I guess. Or,like many others patriotic supporters, I am still optimistic that one day India will be at the top, .