Random Impersonations

Modern Punjab's Numero Uno Role Model

2012-01-04T02:37:00.000-08:00

Whom am I talking about? Let me narrate some facets about him in various sections, before finally revealing his identity in the end.

Growing years and Academic achievements

Though raised in a well respected family, he wasn't born with a silver spoon in mouth. Most of his childhood went eating dry Chapatis with Onions, as they were the cheapest food stuffs available.

He remained a topper throughout, and recieved scholarship consistently. He avoided taking money from home, and his scholarship used to go in paying his school / college fees.

An academically brilliant student, there were times when he cleared multiple classes in one year. He was destined to take up Engineering, however due to being underage he wasn't eligible to appear for IIT. So he shifted gears to Medical and in first attempt got MBBS in GMC, Amritsar, which was the leading college for that course back then. He passed from the college as a Gold Medalist.

Post GMC Amritsar, he got admission in MD Medicine at PGI Chandigarh, which at that time had only a couple of seats in that course. He topped there as well.

Professional

His colleagues went to North America / Europe. He got multiple offers to go abroad, but on insistence of his ailing parents to take care of them, stayed in India.

He joined PGI Chandigarh while doing his masters and was working there when he got married.

Soon after marriage, he relocated to Jalandhar, when compared to Amritsar there were lesser medical facilities for patients.

Without borrowing a single penny from his parents, he opened up his own private clinic. After some time he got a Clinical Laboratory opened up for his wife as well.

His clinic has stood the test of time for more than 30 years. Despite renowned multi-specialty hospitals opening up their branches in the city, his clinic continues attracting people.

While some hospitals these days rely on fancy furniture, soft spoken female nurses, computerized systems, glitters in buildings, free check-up camps for increasing awareness ; his clinic emphasizes on having all the necessary facilities that a patient actually needs. Thus he doesn't charge his patients just for providing a "luxurious experience".

He patiently listens to his patients and does not make them run away quickly in order to wind up for the day ASAP. He gives individual attention to all his patients equally.

Remains up to date on the latest happenings in the field of Medicine and prescribes the better stuff to his patients.

Family

His elder brother, who was extremely close to him, passed away when he was 16. Disturbed, he provided support to his ailing father and ensured he passed the exams securing top marks on scholarship, post which he got admission in Medical College on first attempt.

His father passed away when he was 29. He became head of family and took charge of marrying his younger brother soon thereafter.

After the death of his younger sister and her husband (he was 38 then), he took custody of their two children and educated as well as married them.

His younger brother passed away two years ago, leaving behind a widow and two young daughters. He worked towards completing all government related work, got his sister-in-law along with daughters settle at a place closer to his own home. He has worked genuinely hard to ensure comforts for them and tried his best in whatever ways he could.

Though he didn't have the best of facilities when growing up, he ensured his kids didn't remain deprived of it. He took them on foreign as well as national tours, made them stay in well constructed homes in the best localities, would come to home for lunch so as to meet them when they returned from school, would meet them every night before sleeping. He would never go on private vacations away from family, would take his kids along if he had to go out of town for a long duration.

To inject values into his kids, he first emphasized them on the need of being a good human and then assured them about the stuff done by people with angelic qualities. He developed a friend circle of similar people and taught his kids to learn from the right role models in history. He made them feel they were following the right path by doing so, never made them feel inferior in any way.

He acts as an unofficial guardian to some of his friend's children, giving advice on various matters such as personal, investments, job security, future planning, etc.

Serving the people of Punjab

Didn't leave the state despite the terror of 80's. He continued doing his medical practice, treating patients in times of need.

Treats few patients for free everyday who aren't financially well-off, and has never advertised about the same in news papers or pamphlets or web sites (the author got to know about this via various sources who themselves had been present at his clinic, the man never told self about this).

His fees is very nominal. Not more, not less. Just what it should be.

His referrals of patients to other hospitals is based on merit instead of commission.

He doesn't have any corporate tie ups for providing medical facilities to employees.

Everyone is treated equally in his clinic. There is no VIP area, and you have to wait along with other patients even if their background differs from you in various terms.

Till date he never advertised about his achievements. Whatever his clinic has sustained for the past 30+ years, is solely on word of mouth.

He has done more work for financially underprivileged people than a lot of NGO's. He does not put of photos of him treating such patients on web sites, magazines, posters, etc.

Love for the country

Remained connected to roots by staying in India, and has devoted his life to helping people who come to him for assistance in various fields, be it Medicine, Psychology, Philosophy, Development, etc. He has gone out of the way to help establish several careers of those who weren't related to him by blood. He does that due to inborn interest.

He raised his kids as Indians. Never in his house did he tell them that you are 'Punjabi'. He taught them the emphasis of respecting people from other states on the basis of character, knowledge, and virtues. He ensured their proficiency in Hindi due to it being the National Language.

He is well aware of Indian tradition and values. He educates people about the same and has cleared several misconceptions of those around him on various topics.

He knows the ground reality of the country, where it is going right and where it can do better. You have to talk to him to know what the actual picture is.

Lifestyle

Gets up 5 in the morning, sometimes 4. Does regular exercise, prepares tea for wife, reads newspapers for remaining abreast with local developments. Leaves for clinic by 10, treats patients till 2 PM (often this extends), reaches home for lunch, does family related work if needed, leaves again by 5, stays till 7:30 PM (often extends), reaches home, does family related work if needed, reads books/magazines, watches TV, goes to sleep.

Does not drink alcohol. Does not smoke tobacco. Is not into drugs. Consumes Lacto Vegetarian food, often eats 1 Chapati at a time. Avoids fried, fast food, excess sweets.

With his friends, he does not discuss about where to party, the newly introduced luxurious entities in market, toys for rich, which top brass officials to please in order to gain favours, etc. He discusses about the issues in society and viable solutions.

At times he walks to his clinic, other times he goes via his two wheeler. He rarely uses his car to commute to office.

The clothes that he wears, aren't very different from what he used to wear when he was a kid. Simple and basic, no designer brands. He never shops for his apparels himself. Some people deliberately gift him fine stuff so that he'd wear them which otherwise he wouldn't have.

When many of his contemporaries are thinking about where to have the next drink and how to remove the hangover thereafter, he is thinking about how to make life comfortable for those around him and shaping path of young individuals.

He attends his phone calls himself. He hasn't kept a PA to look after his accounts or to take care of his financial matters. He has kept minimal dependencies on his employees. He talks to his juniors himself without asking anyone else to fix a meeting with them or to handover his card / phone number.

Personal

He doesn't believe in birth based Caste system and his last name signifies the organization he belongs to. He did not accept any dowry at the time of his marriage, and had self belief that he'd be able to take care of his wife with his income.

His often gifts books to his close associates. The books he presents are the ones he has purchased on his money and has himself gone through it. There is always a purpose behind him gifting a book to someone.

Does not go to theater to watch movies. Does not go to Casino to do gambling. Does not invest in "easy money" schemes.

Watches News, Science, Spiritual channels on TV.

He does not change his behaviour with patients, after they get promoted to high government posts. Nor does he forget them after they are no longer in power.

He spends very little on himself. But on family he spends generously, whatever is their need he fulfills it. When his son was in Kindergarten he used to buy one new toy for him everyday. He always insisted his kids on getting the best instead of inferior cheaper options, provided it was something they really needed for their education / development / health.

Though some of his patients happen to be prominent industrialists / actors / politicians / MP's, he does not click photos with them to display at his clinic / house.

He sends New Year greetings to his close associates every 12 months. He himself writes on the cards with pen, without making use of a Computer generated mechanism, to give more personal touch.

Revelation of identity

At a time when India is often accused for its unethical practices, he has laid down an example as to how one can lead a life of simplicity, honesty, ethics, first generation professional in his respected field, sacrifice for the nation, and putting family above personal leisure.

This line in my poem 'The purpose of life' was based on him.

'Some people live to compromise, so as to provide joy to their closed ones'

His name is Dr. Rishi Kumar Arya.

Happy Birthday, Papa ji.

Dr. Rishi Kumar Arya

The Purpose of Life

2011-11-27T06:59:00.000-08:00

(The following post is a short poem, inspired by a phase that I'm presently going through. I request you, dear reader, to go through it in a serene and positive mood. )

Some people live to be a spendthrift , even if their financial condition isn't divine

Some people live to consume meals like a crowned head, even if it exceeds their desire

Some people live to loaf around, even if they have family dependencies

Some people live to mock others, even if they aren't soul conquerors

Some people live to wreck society, despite possessing plenitude of luxuriousness

Some people live to crib progressively, despite having no lack of basic necessities

Some people live to teach, even if they themselves had minimal formal education

Some people live to appreciate others, because they know how much it means to them

Some people live to make others happy, no matter how doomed they themselves are

Some people live to join humans, even if they forever remain single

Some people live to compromise, so as to provide joy to their closed ones

Some people live to inspire colleagues, though they happen to be also-rans

Some people live to write poems, even if their own life lacks rhyme

Some people live forever in hope, when all seems lost except life

The purpose of life isn't defined by any book or rule

The purpose of life, IMO, is what you make it to be

"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life."
- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Happy Birthday Siddhant!

2011-10-06T03:33:00.000-07:00

Allow me to present some facts before you.

Facts regarding Shah Rukh Khan (SRK) and Cristiano Ronaldo (CR)

CR believes in taking risks of working with new people. Result of which was him achieving the milestone of being the fastest to become #1 scorer for Real Madrid.

SRK believes in working with the same set of people over and over again. Result of that was Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

CR knows how to replace legends. We all saw what happened to him first in Manchaster United and then Real Madrid, where he overshadowed the likes of David Beckham. Till date in Manchester United, no one has been able to replace CR, seems unlikely that his aura would be overshadowed in Real Madrid.

In case of SRK, I need not tell what happened in Kaun Banega Crorepati Season 3 when he tried to "replace" Amitabh Bachchan.
Not only that, SRK turned down Munnabhai MBBS, 3 Idiots, Enthiran, Lagaan, etc. for which marvelous humans like Aamir Khan and Rajinikanth replaced him, making them the biggest hits in history, as well as getting nominated for Oscars.

Q. Why are Kal Ho Na Ho, Baazigar, Darr, DDLJ; considered SRK's best works?
Ans. Because in all of them, he dies in the end. An exception to this is DDLJ, where he didn't die but got severely bashed up by the Youth of Punjab.

Anyone who saw the recent Champions League T20 would tell that SRK needs Sports to promote his upcoming movies. But CR has never done that sort of thing with movies to promote his bread and butter.

Q. What's the best way of watching a Real Madrid match?
Ans. Watch YouTube vignette of duration for which CR was on the field.
Q. What's the best way of watching a movie featuring SRK?
Ans. Uska chehra morph kar do (Morph his face)! Mute volume and read the dialogues via subtitles.

Q. Why did SRK cross the road?
Ans. To dance at a wedding, in a bid to recover costs of making Ra.One .
Q. Why did CR cross the road?
Ans. To beat the hell out of SRK.

Q. What's so good about the last 18 months?
Ans. Not even a single movie released, featuring SRK as the leading actor.
But alas, our happiness is short-lived, just a few days more.

Q. What's the reality of CR?
Ans. This.

Q. What's the reality of SRK?
Ans. This.

Now for some facts about Siddhant and Arjun.

When Siddhant praises someone, it is a genuine one, he's aware of what he is saying and why he is doing that.
When Arjun praises someone, it is for the following reasons.
1. That guy shares a great rapport with SRK.
2. At some level, that guy has a connection with SRK.
3. That guy is SRK himself.

Q. What was Arjun in his previous birth?
Ans. An Astrologer.
That's the reason why he predicts how a movie would be, even before watching it. These are his recent predictions.
Dhoom 3 - 'Ghatiya, vaahiyaat, bakwaas... lekin Aamir Khan ki acting achchi hai'.
Ra.One - 'Ultimate, best movie of all time! SRK ne to kammaal kar di'.
Such is the case that doomsayers have already predicted Arjun's son to be named as SRS - Shah Rukh Suri.

Q. Why does Siddhant remain more at peace, compared to Arjun?
Ans. Because he doesn't have to face humiliation whenever Kolkata Knight Riders loses a match or SRK throws a legend like Saurav Ganguly out of the squad. All he has to do is celebrate every time CR wins awards like Footballer of the year.

Q. What is the best thing about Siddhant?
Ans. He is not a fan of SRK.
Q. And what's even better?
Ans. That he is not SRK.

Q. Siddhant plays with a Cricket bat having the letters 'BAS' embedded on them. Why so?
Ans. They stand for 'Billu Ashoka Shakti'.

Q. What was CR doing when he turned 25?
Ans. Basking in the glory of becoming the World's Highest Paid Footballer.
Q. What was SRK doing when he turned 25?
Ans. He hadn't even made his foray into Bollywood.
Q. What would Arjun be doing when he turns 25?
Ans. He'd be getting mentally roundhouse kicked, by his younger brother.
Q. What would Siddhant be doing when he turns 25?
Ans. No matter whatever his age, he'd always be giving a mental roundhouse kick to his elder brother.

Q. What's the secret of Siddhant's excellent judgement ability?
Ans. If SRK is associated with something, it is definitely not worth investing energy in.
Q. And how does Arjun judge?
Ans. Do I need to answer this question? By now you'd have already guessed that. *wink*

Q. How do you define Arjun in less than 140 characters?
Ans. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about him is freaking awesome. Except for the fact that he is a huge fan of SRK.
Q. How do you define Siddhant in less than 140 characters?
Ans. A blessed soul, who deserves the best, may this be his best birthday ever. :-)

An attempt to precise Pakistan

2010-12-19T05:49:00.000-08:00

If the country Pakistan was represented as a mutual friend on facebook, my relationship status with it would be set to "Its Complicated". For even if I wish to adore, I can't do that, and the converse hate feelings can't take place as well.

Why can't you adore?

If I write something in favour of Pakistan, I'd receive tonnes of messages from my Indian friends, labelling me as a traitor, who has forgotten the wounds we had to undergo in events such as the Kargil War or the more recent 26/11 Mumbai attacks. They'd go to the extent saying that had someone close to me passed away in those incidents, I wouldn't have said such a thing.

And why can't you hate hate?

If I totally diss Pakistan, calling it the worst country in the world (it actually doesn't fare too high in rankings of World's most stable states) and brand all its people as terrorists (like how most non-Pakistanis feel these days), my inner conscience would tell me that I'm being too harsh. For like every nation in the world, it does have its share of good as well as bad people, root-wise who happen to be us Indians only. There was a time when we used to be one, and now such is the divide that we look at each other as enemies.

Why don't you just ignore them?

Turning deaf wouldn't bring resolutions, for all of us are affected by Pakistan in some way or the other. Those living on Pakistan's border (Punjab, Kashmir, Rajasthan, Gujarat) always have the fear of being attacked (my mother lived in Amritsar when 1965 war happened, it wasn't easy surviving in those days). Then there is always Pakistan's name in terror attacks on safe areas like Mumbai. When we go outside India, we encounter several Pakistanis, we have to be careful in handling certain matters. And there is the most important aspect, naming which has become some sort of a taboo, but its true.

And what is that taboo?

That we are same people only. Both evolved from the same nation, that was divided by Britishers. Hatred was infused in the name of religion, thus ending harmony. The same people used to sit together in evenings, share meals from the same plate, encouraged their children towards inter-religion marriage, and there was high tolerance towards accepting those who were different from them (for reference you may go through the book 'Absolute Khushwant' by Mr. Khushwant Singh). Such is the condition now that Indians and Pakistanis are widely popular for being intense enemies, and if an Indian praises a Pakistani or honors their talent, s/he has to hear a lot of swear words from the society.

Why is that so?

The reason cited is that, Pakistan has been India's number 1 enemy in the world. They are responsible for Kashmir mess, have killed a lot of innocent people in incidents like 1999 Kargil war and 2008 Mumbai attacks. Had, god forbid, someone close to me perished in those attacks, then I wouldn't have thought the same about Pakistan.

So what's wrong in that, its true, isn't it?

On the matter of Pakistanis killing Indians, I suggest you to go to any Indian city, open up the newspaper, and go through local news.

If you calculate the number of deaths that occur due to our countrymen alone, like murders, rash driving, etc. then they are much more than those due to Pakistani terror attacks. Indians reading this sentence may get furious and openly condemn me. Pakistanis might be laughing thinking that I have given a reason to those who scoff at them. But I'd like to ask, have I said anything wrong? Is there any region besides Antarctica where humans don't kill other humans? Prove me wrong if you can, but the solution doesn't lie in stating who is wrong or right, it is in making both countries better by fighting the inner evils. We shouldn't ignore the inner psyche that makes someone a criminal.

I might be sounding controversial, but I am being realistic, what I have said isn't wrong but true. I'd appreciate if my fellow countrymen utilize their energies in making the nation even more better, rather than abusing an unheard-of guy like me.

But we can't forget the wounds they have infused on us, can we?

OK, then answer me this question - We were plundered by few European countries for around 200 years, weren't we?

Yes, but that happened long ago, we have moved on since they left us more than 50 years ago.

We Indians might have, but there are cases where they do regard us as land of snake-charmers. I started believing that after seeing response to Slumdog Millionaire, where my NRI colleagues abroad told me that this was what their adopted country people thought about us and some of them had to face racial discrimination because of the same.

We say that we have moved on in case of Europeans, and that all their people aren't bad. Yes, its true, I do know a lot of Europeans whom I immensely respect. But my question is, what can't we look at Pakistanis from the same view point? We Indians and Pakistanis belonged to one nation, we used to respect our differences very well before partition, what has happened now?

Don't compare Europe with Pakistan, they are more process oriented and their class can't be matched!

OK, then answer one more question - Suppose you were the head of your country. You invaded any "process oriented" European country, took control, dominated for 200 years, reducing their wealth to shambles, degraded their self-pride and morals, without having any opposition from any peace-prevailing world organization, and by the time you returned, do you think they'd be the same as before?

Was India really THAT good at one point of time?

I suggest you go talk to any scholar who has studied Indian History in depth. This'd clarify few doubts.

It appalls me that their media branded us as "thieves", before Common Wealth Games 2010 commenced, forgetting what they themselves had done. India never invaded any other country in its history, for more such facts refer here.

Are you saying that India is better than those European countries?

That's an altogether different debate. I'll just say that wherever you are living, be a good human and accept those who are different from you. I am against unnecessary + unrequired NRI bashing by resident Indians, who themselves aren't inventing some Nobel prize winning invention by staying in India or engaging in social work so as to "serve" the country. Hence don't assume that I am branding European NRI's in a negative light.

Now back to how we should look at Pakistan.

Oh yeah, go ahead.

In the human body, if there is pain in one area, it has effect on remaining parts too. Similarly we can't ignore one nation like this. India and Pakistan need to unite so as to eradicate the bad people, who are killing others in the name of religion. I have met some pretty honest Muslims who not only are good humans but also don't get into talks of proving their religion being the best. They do very well relate with the dialogue "My name is Khan, and I am not a terrorist".

In Western countries, Indians and Pakistanis live together, they find it easier to relate with each other, prime reason being common language. Things do get tense in case of a Cricket match or terror attacks, on the whole they remain united and care for each other. I myself remember one such experience, where we met a gentleman with his wife on Singapore airport, hailing from Lahore. Not only did we feel comfortable conversing with each other (for those who don't know, Urdu and Hindi are a lot similar), they gave us several food stuffs to eat/drink, we took photos with them, and it was such a memorable experience that I cherish it till today.

What's your take on Pakistan, the country?

Of course I do love Pakistan bashing when they lose in Cricket. It isn't as secular as India, for you don't find many non-Muslims occupying top positions, and unlike India many non-Muslims converted to Islam post partition (in India most Muslims stayed as Muslims without getting converted to Hindus). There have been too many terror attacks in the country, and the number of tourists are declining. Barring Nawaz Sharif and Parvez Musharraf, all their previous heads got assassinated, period. Their Industrial growth is much less than India and aren't home to any Fortune-500 company. Their media is renowned for writing fake articles regarding India, and going by their recent WikiLeaks report, seems that they aren't in mood of changing old habits. Not only have the terror-breeding camps increased, there is also speculation of Osama Bin Laden residing, who has been constantly topping the US Most Wanted List for more than 9 years.

As every Indo-Pak discussion invokes the K-word as a mandate, her I go on what I feel about it - Kashmir should go to India, simply because we are a better nation, progressing much more than Pakistan. We are also more secular, where non-Hindus have represented the country as President, Prime Minister, Chairman of the largest multi-disciplinary firms, Cricket captain, etc. People cheered for A R Rahman to win Oscars, even though he is a Muslim who was earlier a Hindu. In India, if you are a good human and have the tendency of bringing accolades to the country, people would always hoot for you.

On a positive note I admire that Pakistan is slightly more liberal compared to other Muslim dominated countries. I came to this conclusion after getting surprised looking at photographs of their models/actresses in provocative attire (to which I hope that you won't say "You freak! Is this what you keep looking on the Internet?" ).

What's your take on the people of Pakistan?

If i think about visiting Pakistan, I fear that I may get attacked/killed in some bomb blast or the other (like what happened to Sri Lankan Cricket team or Daniel Pearl). But I also know that many of their people would be extremely hospitable and would ensure that I have a comfortable stay. Finding Vegetarian food in Pakistan isn't easy, but they'd take care of that for me. I went there with my family in 1987, though I don't remember anything about the visit, my folks told me that they received a warm welcome. In 2004, when relations appeared to be turning for the better between both countries, my parents visited Lahore and had a soothing experience.

I have talked to few young Pakistanis on the Internet. They are concerned about living a good life, and are worried over the direction their nation is going. The inner conscience of some of them is such that they do get hurt when they get branded as terrorists, for they know that these aren't the values they were brought up with.

At this point of time, Veena Malik has generated a lot of attention in Bigg Boss 4. Quite a few Pakistanis are upset about it, for they feel she is giving an impression among non-Pakistanis that all of them are like that only. This shows that they do have some good human qualities, that's why they are feeling that way.

As I mentioned early in this article, every country has its share of good as well as bad people. Unfortunately in case of Pakistan, the positive ones are suffering too much due to misdeeds of the negative ones.

(Not creating any regional divide by saying this - I feel the reason why India is faring better than Pakistan is due to South Indians. Based on my personal experience, I have observed them to be more sincere than others. The level of education in South India is quite high, the places are more serene, and there is increased connectivity of people with Indian values.)

Please conclude the article

Pakistan is nowhere compared to India, but that doesn't mean all their people are terrorists. Instead of wasting energy in abusing each other, we need to resolve critical issues to make the world a safer place. The better humans should be openly appreciated. What's the harm in loving few more people, when we already have so much of hate filled in us? They watch our movies and we listen to their music. We grew up watching their stage comedy and they watch our Saas-Bahu sitcoms. There are several common connections between both of us, whose realization is being stopped. If we can look at the countries who dominated us, in a positive sense, we can do the same with those having same roots as us.

Every now and then we hear about some sort of Intelligence Report saying that the country could be dismantled within few years, and if that happens it'd actually be a good thing for India. Not only would we fight better in removing terror from those parts, also we'd become home for many accomplished artists who have been winning the world over with their talent.

And yes, this way Kashmir issue would be resolved. Hopefully for ever.

The Real Indians

2010-10-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, 6 PM. As I stepped out of the lift, the male security guard at the reception stopped me, requesting to get my bag checked, in case I was secretly carrying some office valuables with me.

Inspection isn't something that I am fond of, and I try to avoid it whenever possible, for I have self-belief in not being a guy who'd steal valuables. I am not even a kleptomaniac, so leave that aside as well. The values put in by my parents and teachers prevent me from doing quite a few things.

And as I wanted to tell that guard that I am not a thief, I just remembered a recent incident in which I had uttered what was on my mind.

-----------------------

I was with a friend, who had become more uneasy with the repeated process of getting backs inspected, and when he was raising his concern with the guard I chipped in with a small sentence "You mean to say that we are thieves?". After some time, the guard's manager came, and my friend got into a discussion with him. In between, the guard told him what I had said, and though it didn't receive much importance, I sensed that he had been hurt because of me, despite me not having any such intentions.

While the guard was perfectly obeying his duties - performing security checks on individuals irrespective of the position held by them; somehow I could sense that he was an honest bloke, who'd never commit any sort of crime despite not being as financially rich as the ones holding stature similar to me.

-----------------------

Coming back to life, I handed over my bag to the security guard. He handed me a register and asked me to fill in details like my name, ID, contact number, etc. He placed the register in such a way that I'd feel comfortable, and won't have to budge from my existing posture.

When I finished writing, the guard was still doing his job. So I walked few steps and looked out, to notice that it was raining heavily.

Yaju Arya - "Oh my god, quite a heavy rain, isn't it?"
Security Guard 1 - [smiles]
Security Guard 2 (she was a lady) - [laughing] "Didn't you know that?"
YA - "I had seen dark clouds from my cubicle's window, didn't know it was raining to this extent"
SG2 - [smiles]
SG1 - "Here you go sir"
YA - "Do I need to write anything else?"
SG1 - "No sir, that's it"
YA - "Thank you"
SG1, SG2 - "Welcome sir"

Off I went, carrying memories of those whose mother tongue wasn't Hindi, yet they used that language for communicating with me. They might be facing numerous issues at home, aren't big shots in professional sense, still they were carrying smiles on their faces.

India has often been branded as a Corrupt nation, the stereotyped image in most Western countries isn't something very positive (some people credit Slumdog Millionaire for denting that further). And when in India, you are branded more for the region / community you belong to, rather than a common nationality.

For some time, I wondered, who are the Real Indians.
* Are they Tamils, for they claim themselves to have originated from this country?
* Are they Gujaratis, for Vegetarianism and non-Alcoholism is prominent over there?
* Are they the ones from Uttar Pradesh, for it is the major hub of Ancient Indian sites such as River Ganga and Varanasi?
* Are they the ones from Punjab, for this is where Vedas were written?

And then I thought, no mate, we all are Indians now. Whatever be our source of origin, whatever be our belief, right now all of us are citizens of India.

And then I wondered even more - Who are the Real Indians?
* Are they the ones who take active interest in ancient Indian texts such as the Vedas? It incurred to me that even in that age, very few people took interest in intellectual stuff, similar to today's times, and I know some people who don't have interest in such things but that won't classify them as Non-Indians.

* Are they the ones who take interest in all things Indian? There are people who wear some specific coloured clothes in a particular pattern, preach spiritual stuff, explain verses with the use of few Sanskrit words, and eat only Indian cuisine. However, there are some who are exactly opposite, yet they go and stand on the national border in order to prevent enemy soldiers from creeping in.

* Are they the ones who highlight issues occurring in the country? I won't say that all those who openly criticized Delhi Common Wealth Games 2010 were patriotic. While some had genuine constructive criticism, this wasn't the case with all of them.

* Those who chose to remain in India? India is the only country I have seen, where people value their roots and think about its welfare, despite being born and brought up in some other country. A significant number of Non Residential Indians(NRI's) contribute more towards India's welfare compared to the ones residing in the nation. Though all aren't like that in behaviour, the better ones do have to face the wrath of getting stereotyped by those living in their adopted country as well as parent country.

* APJ Abdul Kalam is among the most patriotic humans I have seen, who happens to be well versed with Quran as well as Bhagwat Gita. One the best teachers under whom I studied was a Christian. So don't even get started on the topic of a religion not having its founders from India.

And so, after much thought, I have finally realized who the Real Indians are.

They are the ones, whose conscience doesn't let them commit any kind of robbery.
They are the ones, who don't forget to smile, despite facing numerous hurdles.
They are the ones, who make an effort to learn about items pertaining to National Interest, through mediums other than the school.
They are the ones, who would do anything to earn daily bread, except hurting someone.
They are the ones, who carry on in life, despite facing humiliations from the ones above them.
They are the ones, who remain connected to their roots, even if they are far away.
They are the ones, who keep faith despite knowing what happened in the past.
They are the ones, who accept reality and come to terms with it.
They are the ones, whose name may not go in History books, but are concerned about living for the moment.
They are the ones, having high levels of tolerance, for they accept those who are different from them.

(All Photographs courtesy Arjun Suri Photography)

How to gain ____ (blank)

2010-08-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

For the time being, won’t reveal the content of the last word.

If you wish to know the answer, kindly answer the following question.

Q. When an individual sets out from home for work/studies and lives alone in that area, away from his/her native place (a common term in South India), what is it that s/he loses the most?
a. Conscience / Moral Character
b. Hair on head
c. Bank Balance
d. Weight
Quite a few people end up losing all four of them. So let me reframe the above question.

Q. When people set out from home, for professional or academic purpose, what is it that most of them lose?

If you don’t have the answer up your sleeve, you might be hurling abuses right now, directed at me over what question I asked.

Keep in mind that some rhetorical questions aren't meant to be answered. In this case, as I have to proceed with my blog entry, there has to be an answer. Instead of giving the answer straightaway, am offering the explanation for each option, along with the reason for its acceptance / rejection.

a. Conscience / Moral Character - The answer is correct for quite a few people. When in college, I observed that the girls who used to get carried away the most by glamour and experimented all sort of various things were the ones from Bihar (no racist stuff intended, just an observation), reason being that they used to hail from a conservative background and didn't have access to such glitters at home, which lead them to maintain a totally different plain jane image at home in front of their parents and a vastly radical one in the presence of their friends.

But there were quite a few people, who remained just the same. Hence this answer isn't correct for the maximum number of people.

"Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him." - Allen, James

b. Hair on head - Oh god, dear lord. People who spend a significant part of their life living in a single place get accustomed to the type of water present in that area, because of which when they start living elsewhere their hair aren't able to handle the new change in their life. Resulting in hair fall for most people, change of colour for some. Now you know why they advertise so much for Hair Fall Solutions and Hair Colour on TV?

"If you do not change, you can become extinct." - Dr. Spencer Johnson (Who Moved My Cheese?)
While this is true for a lot of people, isn’t so for the most of them (there are some lucky ones). Which takes us to the next point.

(Just wondering, people lose the hair on their head, why not on the other parts of their body?)

c. Bank Balance - Residing away can be a costly affair, especially if you are alone. Extra accommodation cost for not living in your own home, dolling out surplus amount of money on food not cooked by mother/spouse, paying someone else to wash your clothes, purchasing grocery items you wouldn't have required otherwise; there are quite a few cases in which it would have been cheaper to stay at home rather than out of town. This is true for students and most working professionals.

A guy might earn Rs. 10,000 in his native place and Rs. 20,000 in a place more than a thousand kilometers away. However in the former case s/he may not have to pay for housing expenses, home made food, travel to and fro when on vacations, etc. because of which s/he may end up earning more due to extra savings.

Of course, there are exceptions, because of this option fails as well. They are
i) The guy is sent to some Western country on an assignment and his/her company takes care of accommodation, meals, and miscellaneous expenses. Though the number of such cases have reduced recently due to recession, but it is expected that they'd increase again. (Oh dear lord, please, I also wish to receive this opportunity !! )
ii) The guy gets employment opportunity in such a place that he makes it his new home and gets settled over there with his family.

Crossing out this option, off to the one that is the answer.

d. Weight - Oh YEAH, this is the Undisputed Champ! You know, everyone whom I met so far, lost weight after staying at a place away from home. Everyone, without one exception, whose name I will disclose after penning few verses.

Ok, I would come to point straightaway, the guy who gained weight immensely was me. In mid of February 2008, I weighed 59 kilos, and then I started working in Panchkula (Haryana, India) for my academic project. By the time it ended in May, I was around 65. When I joined my organization in end June, I might have been around 66.

8th August, 2010. My weight is now 82 when I last checked, could be 83 by the time you read this.

All my friends, having work/study experience in places varying from Chandigarh to Chennai, Kolkata to Korea, Mumbai to Mangalore, Switzerland to Spain, Bangalore to Britain - each and everyone of them, without fail, lost weight. When I narrate my statistics of not sliding down the scale, they get amused as well as awe-struck, as to what Wizard of Oz did I deploy. There are a lot of people making money by telling how to lose weight, in the form of books, journals, TV programmes, food stuff, etc. and they claim its an evergreen market.

However, it seems that I may have to start some sort of a new trend, so here goes. Direct from the horse' mouth (whatever the phrase is). For the first time ever, I am sharing my utter precious secrets of how I gained weight. If you follow them, then I assure you an upward rise in your body mass. If this doesn't happen within one month I would return you your money back.

Oh wait, I didn't charge you any money. So no money back. Read at your own risk. :P

Here we go!
1. Don't waste foodAm enclosing proceeding sentences in square brackets. Would explain the purpose later.
(square brackets start) [
Look at this child.

(Photograph courtsey Arjun Suri Photography)

Now answer the following questions in Yes/No.
a. Do you feel he gets to eat three decent meals everyday?
b. Do you feel he eats less because of his own will?
c. If offered something to eat, do you feel he'd create fuss over it?
d. Do you feel that once he gets something to eat, he won't consume the entire quantity?

If you answered all of them as 'No', then ponder over this - A lot of people in this world don't get proper meals do eat. While some can't afford to purchase food (the poor ones), some of them just don't get any kind of food (like the ones in most parts of Africa). If we offer them something to eat, they'll eat it readily. Bitter Gorud, boiled vegetables, raw cabbage, jackfruit - anything you give them, they'll consume it. They don't throw away what they get, as they cherish its worth, and are aware of the struggles they had to undergo in order to have it.

Now I will ask one more question.

e. Do you feel this child is among the most educated ones on the planet?
If your answer is 'No', then think about the people around you. Students pursuing professional courses, well qualified Science graduates, head honchos of various organizations, people who serve in religious institutions - they do waste food, don't they?

Bigger issue isn't that people aren't getting food to eat, but that the ones who are getting it aren't respecting its worth. The food that we waste in restaurants, canteens, religious institutions, etc. goes straight to the dustbin and not in the stomach of someone who needs it. When two people are getting 200 grams of grains, one is getting 25 and the other is getting 175. The former consumes entire 25 grams and the other throws away 50 grams instead of giving it to the one who could have relished it.

Especially in buffets, don't assume you are getting your money's worth by taking each and everything that is up for grabs. I have seen people in IT industry who take Salad everyday as a part of lunch included with the meal and waste it as well. I wonder, why do they take it then? Also, when you know that a specific vendor is quite weak at making a particular dish, you need not take it. If some amount of food gets left, you can pack it, come outside the building, and either give it to poor people, security guard of your building, or relish it yourself the next day.

In religious institutions like Gurudwaras and Arya Samaj, langar is perceived as free food by a lot of people. I have seen people throwing plate full of assorted items, which lands up in no one's stomach ultimately.

A guy heading a prominent hospital in Bangalore once told me that 27% of all food served in the restaurants of USA is wasted. While I won't comment on the validity of the statement, but the number is quite alarming for countries that are considered to be "developed".

So when you gorge on something, think before leaving it for the wrecks.
] (square brackets end)

The words enclosed in square brackets were preachy. But, they should be permanently scribbled on the walls of your heart, so that they become a part of your daily schedule. Be it night or day, be it in the class room or office, be it in front of your Microsoft Kinect (don't ask me what it is, search on Google) or Cricket pitch, be it lunch time or dinner time; the verses highlighted in square brackets should be running in the annals of your gray cells. So that everytime you feel like sparing that little bit of lettuce or mashed brinjals, images of impoverished children deprived of food should be displayed in the LCD of your brain continually.

Once you start doing that, there would be no looking back. This contributed as the major factor for me gaining weight. People say Vegetarians find it difficult outside India, but once you get used to eating just about any edible thing without blood and yolk, you won't face much issues. Also fall in love with all kinds of food, keep looking at photos of delicacies on the internet and never refrain from looking at menu cards of the restaurants that do home delivery. Following this point alone would help you achieve most of the desired purpose.

2. I scream, Ice Cream
The heading might be clichéd, but this is what you should do when you spot an Ice Cream - scream with joy!

If you wish to know why, just answer a simple question. What is it that differentiates an Ice Cream from Potato Chips, Lachcha Parantha, Yellow Lentil, Fried Rice, Cheese Nachos, Grilled Vegetarian Sizzler, Ragda Pattice, Penne Primavera, Double Cheese Pizza, Paneer Tikka, and Espresso Coffee?
(Am drooling right now, need to control myself ....)

The USP is - Ice Cream is sweet in taste. I don't know what you were thinking, but think about it, if Ice Cream was sour, would it have gained as much worldwide acceptance as it currently has?

The point I am going to discuss here not only applies to Ice Cream, but for all things having a sweet taste - Chocolates, Indian sweets, Bakery products like Cakes and pastries, Candies, Syrups, Colas, etc. over which you should scream when you see them. Why? Because they are full of calories, fats, and carbohydrates. They contain less protein and the inhaled stuff occupies a permanent stuff in your belly (or so it seems).

Need another reason? Observe the common pattern among these.
i. The lady sitting at Guru Nanak Sweet Shop, Kalyani Nagar, Pune; recognizes me by my face.
ii. The gentleman in-charge of the Natural Ice Cream parlour in Koregaon Park, Pune; shares positive vibes with me.
iii. The gentleman heading Kremes 'n' Krustes, Kalyani Nagar, Pune; smiles at me when I enter his shop.
iv. The lady behind Ferrante, Koregaon Park, Pune; treats me affectionately whenever I go there.

You might have observed the geniality in all of them. The reason is simple - I frequent these shops regularly. Similar case should be with you also - just think about the satisfaction that you get after receiving celebrity kind of reception. The impeccable feeling after trying all their Vegetarian items. Inner persona magnified for having tasted so many delicacies that your friends suggesting you to become a Food Guide in order to earn few extra bucks during recession. Absolutely divine!

3. Future of fast food
The man with the biggest cult following among Indian Intellectuals of all age groups right now, Baba Ramdev, once discussed French Fries on his TV show. He said that when potatoes are put in burning oil, they get exposed to sudden high temperature, thus destroying the essential nutrients. What remains is fat, which gets accumulated in our body when we eat the end product.

He cited this to be true for everything deep fried; like Samosas, Kachoris, Jalebis, Chips, etc.
[
Do you know, if you eat fried stuff from a road side vendor, chances of falling sick are less. This is because when an item is deep fried, it kills any harmful germs that may be present inside. This doesn't happen with baked stuff. Also, anything that is deep fried always tastes better than a baked one.
](square brackets, get used to them now)

Repeat the above passage repeatedly till you become a devout follower of fried food. In USA, there is a drive to reduce the amount of fast food absorbed by their residents, especially children, and in quite a few schools fast food has been banned. Eating fruits and vegetables has become the in-thing over there, thus affecting business of fast food joints like McDonalds. In order to prevent themselves from going bankrupt, firms are setting up branches in India. General public perception towards them is ‘Oh, this is superhit American chain, having opened branch in our country, the stuff being offered by them has to be truly divine, so lets eat there, after which we’d join their fan page on facebook to show everyone on our list that we know about them.‘ Whatever be their definition of 'divine', we won’t debate on its credibility. In your case it is definitely divine for it infers being easier for you to gain oodles of pounds.

Some people, when eating Pooris and Bhatooras, wipe out extra oil with the help of a tissue paper. In your case you should AVOID that.

4. Become a couch potato
Here is a 6 step guide for you.

i. Stay in bed as much as possible. Sleep early, wake up late. Have your meals in bed, ask someone to deliver them for you.
ii. Outdoor walks should be restricted to roaming around the streets on Google Street View and Discovery Travel and Living.
iii. Become addicted to TV, Internet, books; anything but physical activity, especially hitting hard in the gym.
iv. Any social interaction with people outside your home should be done via phone or the internet, until unless they come to meet you.
v. Take up a sedentary job that requires long sitting hours. If possible have meals on your desk instead of walking to the cafeteria.
vi. Join the 'couch potato' community on social networking sites such as facebook and be proud over calling yourself one.

5. Brown or White
I am not talking about the pre-Indian Independence era where White people were discriminated over the so-called Brown ones (unfortunately colour based discrimination still exists in various parts of the world). I am referring to the two categories of breads most Indians are familiar with - White Bread and Brown Bread.

White Bread is essentially made up of Refined Wheat Flour. Brown Bread contains mostly Wheat and little Refined Wheat Flour so as to induce elasticity (this is the reason why Butter Naan becomes harder to break when it gets cold, compared to Butter Roti). While Refined Wheat Flour is among the tastiest grains on the planet, it doesn't get digested easily. Its undigested molecules continue residing in various parts of the Human Digestive System. Now you know why most Americans are so obese? This is their secret, most of the things that they eat is made up of Refined Wheat Flour.

Everytime I eat Pizza and drink a bottle of Soft drink along with it, I gain 1 kilogram. In India its difficult to find items prepared in Brown Bread. And quite a few vendors of Brown Bread dip White Bread in Caramel, which helps more in gaining weight (a good Wheat Bread leaves a lot of crumbs, the Refined Wheat Flour one sticks to its homogenous particles, and hence doesn't separate easily). So whenever you spot something white in colour, you know what you have to do - feast on it as if you haven‘t had meals in ages! (akin to how most people eat in marriages)

6. Taking walks
If you are wondering how am I saying such a contradictory thing, which helps in losing weight rather than gaining, here is the catch. You have to carefully define the areas where you stroll, and how.

There was a time when I used to return home from office by riding pillion off my friend‘s motorcycle. He used to drop me at a place from which my home was 20 minutes on foot. On the way there used to be Ice Cream parlours, sweet shops, bakeries, fast food joints, etc. (now you know how I developed most of the acquaintances as listed in point 2?) On a warm day, it was natural for me to stop at one of these shops in order to refresh myself. The 25-40 calories that I used to lose by walking and sweating, were made up by consuming 250-400 calories.

More so, there used to be days where I felt like treating myself due to being elated over some reason, hence even on non-summer days I used to enjoy munching.

7. Punjabi genes
With due respect, no purposeful offense, when I went outside Punjab, for the first time I saw ladies who were slim. I had seen a couple of thin gentlemen in Punjab, but they happened to be rare exceptions But its a given, if you are a Punjabi you are bound to gain weight with the passage of time. Facial features aside, the physical ones are unique as well, in a rather expanded manner.

For those who want proof, either come down to Punjab, or take a look at photographs of famous Punjabi celebrities.

So, if you are a Punjabi, when it comes to gaining weight, there is one natural thing you don’t have to bother upon.

8. Perception of fat people
Many years ago, I used to hate those who were fat. I perceived them as lazy good-for-nothing bums, classifying them as black and the slim ones as white. I was convinced that the good people weren't overweight. These collected notions were responsible for me maintaining a figure that would have given complex to several leading models trying to achieve a Size Zero figure. Yes, this is how thin I was at one point of time.

Around the age of 16, I realized, that I wasn't right in my perception. Looking at the people around me, I observed that the ones who were fond of eating were mostly kind hearted, and one would often spot them with a cheerful smile on their face. The slim ones, on the other hand, used to remain off-coloured, the reason for which was attributed to not eating enough food, resulting in one not having a particularly great time in their company especially when in a mood for jovialness. Some of my bulging cousins in Amritsar contributed to my newly developed faith as well.

As a result, from what used to be around 52, became 67 in less than two years, and then I joined college.

Though my weight remained more or less same by the time I graduated, its graph started following an upward trend soon thereafter. It was also attributed to some more people, having few extra pounds, that I had met in the recent years. Among all stand up comedians that I see on TV, the one who has mesmerized me the most (that is, no one made me laugh as much as her, don‘t mix appreciation with infatuation) is Bharti Singh, and her physical figure does make me chuckle when she dances or laughs at herself.

[
Think about the fat people around you, aren't most of them more jovial compared to the slim ones? Look at eminent TV / Stage personalities, don't they tickle your funny bone more as compared to others? The effervescent smile of the chubby ones in your class, can you ever forget them? Did you ever see a wafer-thin lad cracking a joke on his physique or laughing at himself?
] (last square bracket of the article, go and thank god if you want)

Keep repeating the above, so much that when someone wakes you up from sleep at 4'o clock in the morning these words should come out from your mouth, despite you being in a dizzy state. This'd prove how serious and dedicated you are towards gaining weight.

Conclusion
I hope that the above points are of use to you, in increasing your belly size. Eat food, bring variations, do whatever that makes you happy. Just, ensure that you do not cross the limit. The number of cases pertaining to Diabetes, obesity, blood pressure, hypertension, etc. are increasing in the world. And as you read this, I have started losing weight. My mantras are simple - I'd be doing the reverse of the points that I mentioned above (except the genes one, as I have no control over it; and the wastage one, as I am against throwing edible food). I conclude by enlisting a quotation.

"These days, more people are dying because of eating more food, rather than the lack of it" - Dr. Rishi Kumar Arya.

My first Punjabi Poem

2010-03-12T01:59:00.000-08:00

Before I start the narration, let me make a confession, among the three languages that I am most comfortable with (Hindi, English, Punjabi), I am weakest in the one that happens to be my mother tongue, Punjabi - despite growing up in Punjab, most of the people around me communicating in Punjabi, and attaining knowledge of the language in school for 10 years.

The factors attributing to my Punjabi skills being below-par-as-expected are

1. My parents always used Hindi as the language for conversation with me, so that is the one I grew up chitchatting the most.

2. 13 years of my schooling was in a DAV , where a lot of emphasis is given on the rashtra bhasha (national language) primarily on the account of national pride, hence my Hindi skills prospered the most. Post that I spent 2 years in an Appejay school where antarashtriya bhasha (international language, i.e. English) is given prime importance. My college was outside Punjab, so the importance to maatra bhasha (mother tongue, you know which one it is for me) suffered even more.

3. I was always told by my peers to give more importance to English and Hindi, as their accessibility was more and having a good grasp on the same would help me reach out to a broader set of people with ease.

4. I somehow had a notion that Punjabi wasn't a good language, for it was full of swear words, unlike Hindi which was a very soft language (Its another thing that my notion on the latter turned out to be incorrect when I went to college, as I realized that people everywhere echoed similar feelings using different set of alphabets).

(a morning in Punjab)

Away from my home, in college, I realized that I was wrong; I should have paid more importance to my maatra bhasha (you now know what that is, if not go to point number 2), as if I won't do that, then who else will?

There are numerous people in the world trying to learn various international languages (one prime reason being that they wish to show that off in various social networking sites and collaborative meetings). No matter however strong or effluent those languages be, they don't have a poet of the stature of Shiv Kumar Batalvi, they don't have a scripture of the level of Sri Guru Granth Sahab Ji, they don't have soulful melodies like Nit Khair Manga and a rich musical heritage, they don't have people like Gurdas Maan and Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan who entertained as well as preached meaningful verses, they don't have comedians like Bhagwant Maan and Jaspal Bhatti who brought out laughter from various heart-wrenching facts of life.

There are numerous other citations I can give, for the time being all I would say is that Punjabi language is one of the most under-promoted in India, a huge chunk of people feel it is just about Bhangra, hurling choicest of abusive words, behaving in a loony manner; what they don't know is that beneath all these is a very solid base on which numerous civilizations are surviving.

Anyway, coming to what this topic was intended to be, I just wrote my first Punjabi poem. Not of the high standards as set by few prominent people like the ones mentioned two paras above, but penning down these verses made me happy - a delightful feeling coupled with excitement and ecstasy.

Poem's situation - When you aren't too happy with the work being given to you by your manager / boss and want him to give you something else / send on-site on some international project.

Poem in Punjabi

(Punglish version of the same is written below for those who have knowledge of the language but can't read it)

ਮੈੰਨੂ ਬਾਹਰ ਭੇਜ , ਤੇੰਨੁ ਛਡ ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਜੇ ਏਥੇ ਰਖਿਆ ਤੇ ਵੱਡ ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਬਕਵਾਸ ਕਿੱਤੀ ਤੇ ਭੰਨ ਕੇ ਰਖ ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਔਖਾ ਹੋਯਾ ਤੇ ਟੋਟੇ ਟੋਟੇ ਕਰ ਦਿਆਂਗਾ

ਝੂਟੇ ਦਿਲਾਸੇ ਦੇਣ ਨਾਲ ਕੁਝ ਨੀ ਹੋਣਾ

ਵੰਗਾ ਛਿੱਡਕੌਣ ਨਾਲ ਮੀ ਨੀ ਵਰਨਾ

ਪੁੱਤ ਸ਼ੇਰਾਂ ਦੇ ਤੇਰੇ ਜਿਹੋ ਨਾਲ ਨੀ ਡਰਦੇ

ਊਚੇ ਬਾਦਸ਼ਾਹ ਤੇ ਸਾਡੇ ਦਿਲ ਵਿਚ ਨੇ ਵਸਦੇ

ਝੁੰਡ ਨਹੀ , ਅਪਾ ਤੇ ਕੱਲੇ ਸ਼ਿਕਾਰ ਕਰਦੇ ਨੇ

ਮੋਡੇ ਤੇ ਦੁਨਾਲੀ , ਹੱਥੇ ਕਟਾਰ ਰਖਦੇ ਨੇ

ਕਬਜੇ ਤੇ ਅੱਸੀ ਕਈ ਕਿੱਤੇ ਨੇ , ਤੂ ਕੀ ਚੀਜ਼ ਹੈ

ਚੜ੍ਹਕ ਜੁੱਤੀ ਮਰ ਜਾਉ , ਏਹਿਯੋ ਤੇਰੀ ਔਕਾਤ ਹੈ

ਜਦੋਂ ਲਲਕਾਰੇ ਵਜੰਗੇ, ਤਾਈਯੋ ਤੈੰਨੂ ਅਕਲ ਆਊਗੀ

ਮੌਤ ਨੂ ਮਾਸੀ ਆਖੁਗਾ , ਓਹਿਯੋ ਵੇਲਾ ਆਊਗੀ

Poem in Punglish

(i.e. Punjabi written in English)

mainnu baahar bhej, teinnu chadd diyaaga

je aethe rakhia te vadd diyaanga

bakwaas kitti te bhann ke rakh diyaanga

aukha hoya te tote tote kar diyaanga

jhoote dilaase den naal kujh ni hona

vanga chidkaun naal mee ni varna

putt sheraan de tere jiho naal ni darde

ooche baadshah te saade dil vich ne vasde

jhund nahi, appa te kalle shikaar karde ne

mode te dunaali, haththe kataar rakhde ne

kabje te assi kai kitte ne, tu ki cheez hai

chadhak jutti mar jau, ehiyo teri aukaat hai

jadon lalkaare vajjange, taaiyo tainnu akal aaugi

maut nu maasi aakhuga, ohiyo vela aaugi

(sunrise in Punjab)

Note - Recite this poem to your manager / boss at your own risk.

Dreams are that keep me going

2009-12-24T08:49:00.000-08:00

After granting graciousness of the might
I unfold the bed sheet and dream at night

Awaiting signals from the one above
With promises erudite as well as suave

Making me realize what I most desire
What I want in life, what I dearly aspire

Dreams are that keep me going
Seeds of faith, they on keep sowing

Rays of hope, blessings of grant
Gift of god, that's all self wants

Dreams play an integral part in the life of every Homosapien. Waking up after a good dream has an escalating positive effect whereas the adverse after effects of a bad dream occur accordingly.

There have been people who stumbled upon some of their most famous discoveries in their dreams, like the German scientist Kekule who discovered the structure of Benzene in his dreams, as well as the legendary Frankenstein being inspired by Mary Shelley's dreams. Various composers claim to have received some of the best melody in their dreams. More recently, my good friend Rishabh Srivastava got the amazing melody of his superhit song Saanwariya in his dream.

There have been numerous cases of people forseeing their future in dreams. The legendary Indian warrior Tipu Sultan maintained a diary of dreams, wherein he used to jot down whatever dreams he used to have, based on which he used to draw conclusions over events happening in his life. There are numerous sites and organizations on dream analysis as well.

As with everyone, I also get dreams, and as the events around me change, so do my dreams. Here in this article I would be mentioning some of the dreams I received in the last [lucky number] 13 months. You may find them weird, but let me tell you, I do wake up wondering what happened as to me receiving such dreams. Am reminding once again, this didn't happen when I was awake, but when I was asleep.

1. 20th November, 1566 + 442, (2008)
I am traveling in a bus, feeling disturbed due to lack of sleep. The human body has no equivalent of sleep, means you can't eat any medicine to cover up your physical rest, so one must have minimum 7 hours of sleep everyday. Hence there must be a check constraint in the back end, implying NO_OF_HOURS >= 7 .

2. 31st March, 4016/2 + 1 (2009)
I am cooking vegetables in a kitchen, and have to decide over what Masala to be added. I am looking at my shelf, wondering which one to pick. Then I decide I should pick on the basis of their salt content. This is as salt is a common element, so an INDEX must be created on it and hence it would be easier to select this.

3. 04th April, 1005*2 - 1 (2009)
I am standing near my bed, with few objects in my hand. I have to put them on the bed, and am thinking over which order to follow so as to drop them. Then it incurs to me, I should drop the one on which PRIMARY KEY is created.

4. 03rd September, 4594 %(mod) 2585 (2009)
Ankit is running in my mind, who happens to be my brother. And as he is related to me, there must be a FOREIGN KEY RELATIONSHIP between both of us.

5. 04th October, 2009 + 2009 - 2009 (2009)
Its Diwali time, and we have received a lot of gifts from our near and dears. We are not sure of how to arrange them, as there are a lot of them. So I decide we would do a PARTITION BY RANGE depending upon the size of data contained in the gifts and store them accordingly.

6. 16th July, 4011 - 2002 (2009)
I am eating food, and my brain is enlightened up with the idea that the stomach is like a TEMPORARY TABLE, in which data is populated at various times of the day through a single source (mouth). From this table, other parts of the human body fetch information from it via DBLINKS, such as Carbohydrates, Proteins, Fats, etc.. A JOB is scheduled in Oracle which TRUNCATES the contents of this table every morning.

Those who are not familiar with databases must be wondering what greek am I talking in. For those familiar with databases, they would have been able to relate with my "pain". People of both worlds would be able to understand my next dream, which was the latest one I had at the point of writing.

7. A day before the last Christmas of the first decade of 21st century (24th December, 2009)
After a long time, I finally get off in my office, an extended vacation covering the months of June and July. I spend good time at home, then me and my parents go to another city to attend some function. There my folks spot some girl, something happens, and guess what occurs next, they force me to marry her.

Being an avid supporter of Bachelorhood, I resent this dreaded action of my folks to marry me at a tender age of 24. Soon we leave for my hometown Jalandhar, from where after leaving my wife behind I go back to Pune, where my office is located. There I indulge heavily in my work, often slogging 15+ hours a day and on weekends as well. This continues for months, till November, till...

till...

till someone in my office accidentally stumbles upon some of my photographs and comes to me saying "Oh, you got MARRIED?? " They start congratulating me, and then I remember, oh, I am married and have a wife as well. And I start wondering, every night I talk to my parents in the night, I did not talk to my wife even once in all those months. This is not right of me, I shouldn't behave with her in this manner. So what I got married to her without my permission, what matters now is that she is my wife, I have to care for her. How would she feel that her husband hasn't even called her up in months? I hope that she isn't depressed or crying over that.

Then I started thinking about her and her achievements pre-marriage. She was a commerce student, and then it flashed in my mind "Oh god, COMMERCE! I am a science student, and she is commerce? I don't think she would have been brilliant enough in school." And then I thought "No yaar, that's not the case, intelligent guys also take commerce, even Siddhu is planning to take it next year".

And then I woke up.

123456789

2009-07-08T00:46:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what this is? Hint: A repeat will happen on the 7th of next month.

Click on the image to view it in full size.

The chain of inertia

2009-07-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, here is how it goes. Whatever name comes to my mind, I will write it down, and whichever related word comes to my mind, I will jot it down alongside.

Off we go, start!

Abhishek - Kalia

Kalia - Manoranjan

Manoranjan - SAB TV

SAB TV - Sony TV

Sony TV - Sony Max

Sony Max - Cricket World Cup

Cricket World Cup - 2003

2003 - Plus One over

Plus One over - Apeejay

Apeejay - Jalandhar

Jalandhar - Punjab

Punjab - Number 1 State

Number 1 State - India Today

India Today - Paper

Paper - Trees

Trees - Conserve

Conserve - Water

Water - Problems

Problems - Bachaao! (Help!)

If you are wondering what this is, I have been facing water problems over the last few days at my place in Kalyani Nagar, Pune.

Monday, 8:15 PM - I returned home from office and looked forward to a great dinner ahead, just when I noticed that there was no water in my flush. Thinking that it may have to be repaired again, I started planning whether to call the plumber or to wait till my landlord arrived after his vacation( he is not a plumber, but really good at that). Just then, I noticed, that water wasn't coming in my wash basin. It wasn't coming in the other taps of the wash room. Soon I noted it wasn't coming in all the taps of the house as well.

Shocked. Horrified. Amused. Disappointed. I went down and enquired from the security guard who informed me that water had been cut by the Municipal Corporation and wouldn't come till 8'o clock in the morning.

Fumed by the fishy facts, I took biscuits, chips, and juice for dinner; owing to lack of hunger.

Tuesday, 7:45 AM - I woke up to find that the taps were dry. I started waiting for the water to make a grand comeback into my place.

Tuesday, 9:55 AM - Due to the much delayed comeback, I started thinking of alternate plans as I had to reach office.

I picked up my cell phone.
"Hello"
"Hi boss, is this Ramdev General Store?"
"Yes, speaking"
"Do you have that big mineral water bottle having capacity of 40-50 litres?"
"We have for 20 litres"
"What's the price? "
"70 rupees"
"Chalenga! (Will be fine!) Can you deliver it at my home?" (the shop is outside my society, just a couple of minutes walk)
"Uhh.... Yaaaaa.... What's the address? "
I gave him my address.

Tuesday, 10:23 AM - No grand comeback, as the guy hadn't delivered water, I called him up again to give a gentle reminder, who assured that his boy would reach in 2 minutes.

Tuesday, 10:32 AM -
*DING DONG*
"Hello Boss"
"Hi. You had ordered water? "
"Oh yes . Hope you didn't face any difficulty locating my apartment" (I had heard sounds of a guy stopping lift at every floor, stepping out and stepping back in)
"No, not at all"
"Here, 70 rupees"
"Where's the old bottle? "
"Old bottle? I have ordered for the first time!"
"Ok. Give Rs. 150 then"
"But why? "
"Don't worry, we will give back the money when you return the bottle"
"Ok"
I went to my bedroom, put 70 in my purse, and took out 150.
"Here you go"
"No boss, 150 is the security and 70 is the deposit. You have to give 220"
"But you should have told this on phone! "
"Don't worry, you will get your money back when you return the bottle"

So I gave him the money to complete the grand comeback and finally I had water. Precious water. Transparent water. Goody good water. Half of which I poured in a bucket.

I took a mug, put it in bucket, filled half of it, and started brushing. Staying in Delhi had prepared me for such averse situations, so I was doing these things with ease.

After my teeth received their daily share of morning water, I noted that some water was left in the mug. As it was mineral water, I gulped it down my mouth. Wow. Was cool.

I proceeded towards the bath and finished it. I called my friend in office.

"Hello"
"Hi! "
"Is water coming in office? "
"Yes. Why are you asking this? "
"Trust me, you will get to know soon"

I wore my clothes, took an auto to reach office, and completed the rest of my morning activities there.

Moral of the incident - Spend some part of your life in Delhi. You never know what life-enhancing pressure-reducing things you will learn from there, like the art of taking bath with half a bucket of water!

(Above photograph courtesy Arjun Suri)

P.S. - 1. Abhishek Kalia is the Application Security Expert in my company and widely feared by many for he finds numerous security holes and serious flaws in applications that a layman can't even imagine!

2. Manoranjan Kalia is an electorate from Jalandhar. As he is a Kalia, he and Abhishek have to be distant relatives from their father's side!

Jokes on Arjun Suri

2009-01-14T23:35:00.000-08:00

Q. Why was Arjun so delighted after watching the movie Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi?

Ans. Because SRK had essayed the role of a BUDDHA!

Q. What according to Arjun are bad movies and good movies?

Ans. Bad movies are Singh Is Kinng (record highest opening ever) and Ghajini (biggest collections ever).
Good movies are Paheli, DON, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.

Q. Why won't Arjun like Chandni Chowk to China?

Ans. For three reasons.
1. SRK isn't related to Chandni Chowk.
2. SRK isn't related to China.
3. SRK isn't acting in the movie.

Q. According to Arjun, which is the best state of India?

Ans. West Bengal, because it is the home of Kolkata Knight Riders.

Q. Why does Arjun watch only Star Plus?

Ans. Because they don't showcase programs like Khatron Ke Khiladi, Bigg Boss, MTV Roadies, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Dus Ka Dum, etc. which have high TRP's. He watches Star Plus so that at least someone will watch KBC3 and Panchvi Pass.

Q. What is Arjun's perception of an ideal family?

Ans. An ideal family is one in which the Dad drives a Hyundai i10, the wife applies Himani Navratan Oil, the son wears Tag Huer wristwatch, the daughter operates a Compaq Presario Notebook, all of them wear Belmonte clothes on special occasions, celebrate the good times by drinking Pepsi, and for inspiration read Still Reading Khan by Mustaq Sheikh.

Q. Why is Arjun a huge fan of SRK?

Ans. God knows. Becuase he is not a fan of Akshay Kumar who made it being despite hailing from a middle-class family in Delhi, he is not a fan of Amitabh Bachchan who is an icon, he is not a fan of Aamir Khan whose movies have been nominated for Oscars, he is not a fan of A R Rahman who doesn't believe in fakism, he is not a fan of Ranvir Shorey who has done variety of roles, he is not a fan of [insert anyone's name here].

* For those who are wondering who he is, Arjun is the quintessential human who has gifted his friends a reason to smile, his parents a reason to believe in god, his relatives a reason to appreciate the innocence in mischief, his brother a reason to be pampered, his best buddy a reason to update his blog....

P W K

2008-12-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

Priya bachpan mein ek bahut hi seedhi-saadhi U.P. ke gaon ki chori thi. Use Duniyadaari ka D tak nahi pata tha aur itni zyaadi bholi hoti thi ki gaon waalo ko chinta hoti thi ki bade hokar uska kya hoga.

Priya kaha karti thi "Duniya ke saare ladke humre bhai hain, sirif aur sirif ek ko chodh kar, woh hain humre bauji".

Jab Priya badi hui, woh padhaai karne ke liye Amity College, Noida gayi. Wahaan jaakar use pankh lag gaye aur usne udhna shuru kar diya. Aur woh bhi itna zyaada, ki usne kehna shuru kar diya

"Meiiinnn naaaaa, saaaadi karuuungi naaaa, to sirif saaaaru khaan se karoongi...... mein naaa, saaaadi karuuungi naaaaa, to sirif reeeetik rosan se karuuuungi....... mein naaaa, saaaadi karuuuungi naaaa, to sirif ameeeer khaaan se karuuungi......."

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Lekin jodiyaan to rab banaata hai. Yaju, jiski harkatein poore Punjab, Haryana, Himachal Pradesh aur Delhi mein charchit thi, se un jagahon par ek bhi ladki nahi pati. Woh itna zyaada desperate ho gaya ki ek rangeeli shaam ko Noida aaya, Atta Market mein. Wahaan usne Priya ko paani-puri khaata hue dekha. Dekhkar Yaju ko kuch kuch hone laga. Kyunki Noida mein bahut garmi thi, paseena uske kapdo ke andar beh raha tha, use khujli ho rahi thi aur woh kar bhi nahi paa raha tha.

Yaju mein SRK ka Casanova-pan nahi tha, na usme Hrithik ka style tha, na Aamir ki personality; lekin uske paas dimaag tha. Usne apne mobile mein "Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam" bajaana chalu kiya aur lip-synch karne laga. Priya ko laga ki itna achcha gaana Yaju gaa raha hai. Phir kya tha, khuda meharban to gadha pehelwan, do made-for-each-other desperate logon ka chat mangani pat vivah ho gaya.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vivah paschaath, ek din Priya ki poorani saheli Isha usse milne uske ghar gayi. Usne dekha ki ghar ka darwaaza nahi tha, aur saath mein likh raha tha "Darwaaza repair ke liye gaya hua hai, kyunki usme khatkhataane par awaaz nahi aati". Usne door bell bajaayi to awaaz nahi aayi, uske saath mein likh rakha tha "Save electricity".

Isha andar gayi, to kya dekhti hai, ki Yaju pet ke bal bistar par leta hua hai, aur Priya oil se uski peeth ki maalish kar rahi hai, yeh kehte hue

"Yahiiii mere saaaaaru khaaan hain..... yahiiii mere reeeetik rosan hain..... yahiiii mere ameeeeeer khaaan hain.........."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vivah paschaath, ek din Yaju ka ghanisht mitra Abhishek usse milne uske ghar gaya. Veh andar gaya to use Chameli ke tel ki badbu aayi. Usne apni naak band ki aur bedroom ki taraf badha. Andar koi nahi tha, aur bistar par ek kagaz ka tukda padha tha, jis par likha hua tha

"Meri mannaton ki maala, fiza-e-jannat ka ehsaas
Aakhon ki barkat, noor-e-ulfat ka nivaas
Khwabon ki parchaai, jasbon ki kranti
Woh tum thi Priya, haan tum thi"

Sitting on the seashore...

2008-12-07T01:18:00.000-08:00

You can't expect the waves to come at you every time, you have to take the initiative of going near the sea in order to make things happen.

If you are wondering why I am saying this (yes you are wondering), I am referring to a close friend of mine who likes a girl and is planning to propose her soon.

When my friend revealed the fact that he was in love, I was shocked as well as elated.

Shocked because in school/college he was extremely shy, used to stay away from romantic stuff, never looked at a girl from that angle, and hitherto indulged in a GD on girls.
Elated because I became assured that my friend was normal, i.e. a guy who was interested in girls.

My friend has planned a date for when he will be telling his feelings to the girl, and obviously a million things would be running in his mind right now. He isn't exactly sure of what to do then, and has decided that he will tell her whatever will come to his mind at that time.

Poor chap. He has to realize that this is the 21st century, in order to cook aloo-gobhi you have to put the right blend of spices, the right amount of oil, the perfect mix of condiments, all at the right time.

Here is a list of few things that my friend can do in the wake of the most important thing happening in his life right now. Each list item consists of Action, Time Interval, and the Reason for doing it.

An action can be executed among the following Time Intervals
~|pre|~ :: Before proposal.
~|post - oh yeah :) |~ :: After proposal, if it gets accepted
~|post - oh no :( |~ :: After proposal, if it gets rejected (naturally, my friend is afraid of that)
~|bongo|- :: During proposal, this is what his state of mind will be at that moment

All set? Here we go!

Action - Sing an old song
Time Interval - ~|bongo|~
Reason - You must have heard your elders saying that the quality of music today is nothing compared to what it used to be in their times (you will also say the same after 40 years). Our generation might be enjoying the newer stuff more than the older one but won't deny that the songs of yore had a class of their own. The fact that they sound evergreen even now is a testimony to that.

On the day of their meet, my friend should sing some fantastic songs for the girl like "Aaja aaja main hoon Pyaar tera", "Chaahe koi mujhe junglee kahe", "O haseena zulfonwali", "Tarif karun kya uski", etc..

The purpose isn't to melt her heart, but to entertain her. My friend "sings" very well, and if he "dances" along with it, it will be an icing on the cake.

Action - Make use of what girls like
Time Interval - ~|pre|~ , ~|bongo|~
Reason - There are things that girls like but boys don't and vice-versa. That's the reason why couples fight, and address these as incompatibility issues. I advise my friend to remain informed about the things that girls admire and make full use of those facts.

On D-Day, he should put on a lip gloss, wear a maskara, get his hair straightened, donne a trendy skirt with matching heels, and after a while should whisper in her ear "John was looking so HOT in Dostana".

Action - Show her a Photo shoot Calender / Models Magazine
Time Interval - ~|bongo|~
Reason - He should take the calender/magazine and show photos to her one-by-one, telling her "See this girl, she is so characterless to pose in such way, but you aren't one" "See her, she is a supermodel, very pretty, but not pretty as you" "See these 10 girls standing together, they are looking like a Nuclear bomb but right now you are looking like a Hydrogen bomb", etc.. This will ensure the girl that her qualities of good character, sense of dressing, way of talking, etc. etc. (you know how girls think about themselves) are being appreciated.

For getting photos, you have to buy/download them first. Note that I haven't added the category ~|pre|~ . That's because my friend downloads such photos and deletes them after a while. He may still be having some with him, so he won't have to download afresh. He is so honest that if you question him about it, he won't deny.

Action - Buy a 1 Rupee Wilkinson Blade
Time Intervals - ~|pre|~ , ~|bongo|~
Reason - He should take the blade, imbibe her name on his forearm, show it to her and say "Tattoos are out, blades are in, whaddya say girl, I'm your shin shin" (don't refer the dictionary, she will be so shocked seeing the blade marks that she won't notice a word of what he would saying).

Action - Go to the doctor
Time Intervals - ~|post - oh yeah :) |~ , ~|post - oh no :( |~
Reason - Irrespective of what she says, he will have to go to the doctor to put bandages on his blade marks.

Action - Buy a Himesh Reshammiya's 100 songs Signature Collection
Time Intervals - ~|post - oh yeah :) |~ , ~|post - oh no :( |~
Reason - If she accepts the proposal, then he will have loads of songs to listen to, so that he would think about her, feel her, giggle and get lost in another world.

If she rejects, then also he will have loads of songs to listen to, so that he would think about her, feel her, cry and get lost in another world.

Action - Receive good wishes from people
Time Interval - ~|pre|~
Reason - Its a known fact, that when you wish for someone from your heart, the thing actually happens.

So I request you to go to the comments section and give my friend your blessings/good wishes/words of encouragement. May god be with him and he get the love of his life. He has always been faithful towards her (ignore the Angelina Jolie's wallpapers that he used to set), and has done a lot of good deeds in life (at times he has bullied his sibling, but has acted as a really good mentor for him as well).

Our wishes are with you my friend, may god bless, all the best!

Wish I was a child again

2008-10-12T05:17:00.001-07:00

Now now, this is something that we all say, for various reasons varying from wandering carelessly -to- sleeping in mother's arms -to- playing with mud -to- fighting with our siblings -to- riding the see-saw -to- standing on the weighing scale so as to see a very less reading -to- not driving through congested areas....

My reason is different.

[<|>]

When we were tiny tots, almost everyone used to ask us "Beta, aap bade hokar kya banoge?" Mostly our answers used to be "A teacher", "A doctor", "An actor", or "A superhero", with an innocent smile on the face.

If I were a child again, I'd have said "Main bada hokar Property Dealer banoonga!", with an innocent smile on my face and hands on my pocket, symbolizing how rich I would be.

[<|>]

I remember the time I was 6 years old. On the way to school, I used to pass by a shop called "Jagga Property Dealer". Seeing him, I used to think "What does this guy do? He just sits on a chair, gossiping with people." How I wish I had also learnt the art of gossiping and sitting on a chair, instead of learning stuff like the Human Anatomy / Nuclear Physics / Complex Mathematics....

[<|>]

Years ago, there were barren areas on the outskirts of my city where no one used to go (such areas are in every city). I used to detest going there as well and felt that no one should build a home there, as those areas were too far from the main city, having no infrastructure at all.

Now I wish that I should have insisted on to my parents "Papa papa, mujhe wahaan pe zameen chahiye, chahiye, CHAHIYE!" and so we'd have purchased huge amounts of land there, whose value would have become 5/10/20/50 times within a few years due to all the I.T. / Multiplexes / lush socities / business centres being developed there.

[<|>]

Remember how we were made to shout "Jai Jawaan, Jai Kisaan" by our teachers? And the basic neccessties were "Roti, Kapda aur Makaan", in that order?

Had I been a child again, I'd have shouted "Jai Jameen, Jai Kisaan" and the basic necessities would have been "Makaan, Kapda aur Roti", in that order. This is as according to the Governments of various countries, there is too much of food on our planet, because of which most of the farms posessed by farmers are useless. Hence they must be taken over and converted to something on which Industries can be developed, so that the country's economy will recieve a boost leading to a more "prosperous nation".

[<|>]

To become a Real Estate Agent ( an H.S. alias for Property Dealer), you don't need to be graduate, at least in India. You don't need to pass Plus Two. Even 10th isn't needed. All you need to do is to possess land, which doesn't require any educational qualifications.

If I were a child again, I'd have invested the money used in my education for the purchase of land. And then shouted aloud on the roof of my house "Marks Aren't Everything!"

[<|>]

To all the Property Dealers / Real Estate Agents reading this :: Yours is a very noble profession, as you are fulfilling a basic necessity of people so that they won't have to sleep on the footpath. Take into consideration that everyone can't pay Rs. 50,000 in a single go, or sign a bond to live for one year, or adjust to live with all sorts of people in order to save money, or take a loan from the bank as his/her parents aren't too rich. Those who leave their families and travel thousands of kilometers in order to fulfil their dreams should be helped, not looted.

To those wishing to become a Property Dealer :: Go for it, if you intend to perform your duties with good intent and are actually going help the people in getting the accomodation of their choice, at reasonable price. There are some people in this field who are angelic and very helpful, but unfortunately their number is less.

Everyone :: Thanks for reading my post. :-)

A tribute to the essence of enigma

2008-08-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

I asked god to send a soul, the blessed one
He sent me an angel, that also the chosen one

With eyes full of magnificance and words full of gratitude
Hands full of generosity and mind full of positive attitude

With freshness as of the morning sun
She transformed me from a boy to a human

She made me realise the importance of intent
She made me maximise the opportunities that god sent

The amount of faith and affections that she put in me
Ensured that I climbed the ladder of success with glee

That angel is you, oh teacher, that blessed soul is you
One whom i can't thank enough, that enigma is you

Your place is irreplacable, divine is your life grain
Please accept my regards, and bless my soul once again

........
.................
.........................
...................................

On another note, Happy Independance day to me, this is my first independance day sans the burden of books and the pressure of good marks!

(I wrote this poem for my friend DON, as a part of his activity in school, so the credit for igniting the fuel for penning down these words goes to him.)

Let’s dance to the vibes of pollution

2008-06-24T08:29:00.000-07:00

We all know that pollution means to pollute. It is of many types – land pollution, air pollution, water pollution, physical pollution, virtual pollution, mental pollution, dental pollution, geographical pollution, historical pollution, Indian pollution, NRI pollution, yummy pollution, yucky pollution, simple pollution, compound pollution, Coke pollution, Pepsi pollution, colour pollution, B&W pollution, real pollution, believing-everything-I-say pollution….

I was educated about the after-effects of pollution by my teachers when I was small. As I didn’t have a thinking mind at that time, I blindly followed whatever I heard. I made sure not to throw anything on the road , never throw anything inside a river, was against vehicles emitting a lot of smoke, etc..

When I went to college, very few people talked to me about the side effects of pollution, as they enjoyed deglamourizing the Mother Nature as if it was a token of appreciation to all that it had given us.

Indeed there were some who kept talking about why we should stop, citing the consequences that could happen. Their thoughts did revolve my head.

After a lot of thoughtful thinking, I realized that the more we pollute the better our standard of living will be.

Here are a few consequences of what can happen in future and how our lives will be improved only for the better.

1. Fitter generation.

Our ancestors used to be physically fit as wherever they used to go they used to go on foot. This way they did a lot of physical exercise. Our parents did a lot of cycling as well.

Ironically the people of my generation are lazy; they can’t walk, wherever they go they go on car / scooter. Because of this the physiques of some of my friends appears as if they are planning to go to Japan to participate in the Annual Sumo Wrestlers Convention.

Going by the way the petroleum consumption is increasing, soon none of it will be left. Because of which we all will have to come down on the road, i.e. we will have to walk to the office or use bicycles. This will result in increased physical activities, hence fitter physiques.

2. Surgeons will be richer

Before performing an operation, a Surgeon has to give Anesthesia to his/her patient. This is so that the patient won’t irk the doctor during the operation process, and the patient won’t know the identity of the doctor in case a group of Surgeons were operating and something went wrong.

A penny saved is penny earned. A cent saved is cent earned. A paisa saved is paisa earned. An Anesthesia saved is money earned (you don’t earn Anesthesia, after all). In order to make the patient go in another world for a while, the doctors won’t need to buy Anesthesia. Due to increasing global waste all over, the dumping places will become full and hence people will dump wherever they find place; be it outside their house, their neighborhood, class room desks, etc. because of which garbage will be easy to find.

We all know how garbage smells like; we can faint if we smell it continuously. Already we have seen how people throw garbage on the streets, and from what it seems, in future garbage will be everywhere. The Surgeons will take some of the garbage outside their hospital/home, make the patient smell it, and viola, their work will be done free of cost!

It will be convenient for me as well; I won’t have to give my socks to my medico friends.

3. Increase in the heights of school children

The sizes of schoolbags of children seem to be increasing exponentially with the passage of time. Often we have seen our neighbour’s ever-smiling tender-looking young gun carrying a bag on his/her shoulders twice his/her weight. The weight of the bag sends forces in the downward direction which repel the upward forces sent by the child responsible for the growth of his/her height.

The effect is that the child gains height horizontally instead of vertically.

But now, as trees are being cut all over, soon there won’t be any trees left for making paper. Because of that, there won’t be any books. The lolly-polly children won’t have to carry any bags; hence their height will be more.

4. Lesser complaints by Himalayan Students

When a girl, who has spent all her life in places like Kashmir, Himachal Pradesh, Uttrakhand, etc., goes for study in another part of the country, the first thing that she complaints about is that “It is so HOT, back in my _____(insert location here) it used to be so cold! This place is so, ugh!”

Boys don’t complain, because wherever they go they aren’t bothered by petty things like weather. For them the only thing that matters is how the girls of that place are.

Anyway, that complaint will soon become a thing of the past. Because, with global warming, all the ice-caps of the Himalayas will melt, and no longer will there be such extreme coldness. The weather will remain the same throughout, thus ensuring regularity and consistency in terms of hotness.

5. Justice will prevail as terrorism will be reduced

The LTTE will not be there. The global warming will lead to melting of the glaciers, resulting in increase of water and hence the entire LTTE group will be drowned.

Same with the militants hiding in the valleys of Kashmir, as the peaks will melt and all their bases will be exposed.

Of course, the common human will suffer, but then, always the common ones have suffered. It is only the uncommon ones who don’t have to bear the brunt of agony. With the passage of time everyone will suffer equally, and justice will prevail.

Reading the above points, you must have been convinced that the standard of living for the next generation will be better, if we continue doing what we are doing. This is a nice and apt way of returning all that the Mother Nature has given us, isn't it?

Wacky Ways of Irritating Australians on the Cricket Field

2008-02-01T09:49:00.000-08:00

Australia is the best team in the world when it comes to bashing - given an opportunity everyone (barring their native people) likes to bash them for all sorts of reasons. It gives immense pleasure to those who aren't able to match up to their admirable cricketing skills. On the field the opposing team never says a word to them as they fear it'll ignite the daemons inside their 6'6'' tall cricketers and they'll butcher them like helpless innocent animals.

As of late, Indians, who are considered to be among the most peaceful and cool-minded in the world (no arguments please), seem to be taking a lot of pride challenging the Australians and testing their temperament. S Sreesanth and Harbhajan Singh have acted as trendsetters for people belonging to other parts of the world by showing that now they also can "bully" the mighty Aussies (Gandhigiri anyone?).

The Australians are extremely hot blooded, and can be easily irritated. Here is a list of ways to how you can also achieve the same when playing a match against them.

1. If you belong to the Indian Subcontinent and are bowling, start shouting sentences to the keeper having the words "mann ki"(means 'of mind' in Hindi/Urdu). If any of the Australians get angry thinking that you are making references to the case that Symonds lost against Harbhajan, tell them that you are speaking in your native language which in no way happens to be racist/offensive.

2. Walk up to any of their players, point towards Symonds, and ask "Shall I call him a Monkey?" Crackers will start bursting inside the player's mind even before you finish the question and he is bound to let off some of the effects of the fireworks on you also, but in that case just smile and say that you've simply asked a question and haven't called him a Monkey.

If you want to try something extreme, tell Symonds that he is like a Monkey. Then, before he gives you a punch, tell him that you haven't said that he is a Monkey, you've simply said that he is like a Monkey (pretty dire, but will definitely revolve his head).*

3. If you are a member of the crowd, dress up in Indian attire and wear masks of Harbhajan Singh or S Sreesanth. Then whenever an australian batsman gets out, get into the stadium and start dancing so as to taunt them. If you are dressed like S Sreesanth then perform break dance(a la Michael Jackson) and if dressed like Harbhajan Singh then do Bhangra(just lift your hands in air in quick succession).

4. Whenever you get a chance, remind the Aussies of their defeats. When playing, walk up to a player and tell him about how Australia lost the 2005 Ashes, how Australia lost the 2007 VB Series 3-0, how Australia lost three matches in the inaugural Twenty20 World Cup, how they created hoopla before the Perth Test against India in 2008 which they ultimately lost, etc. (any one will do, you need not narrate all of them). This will anger the Australian like anything and he'll start narrating about the greatness of the Australian team and their other magnificent wins. The expressions of anger on his face will be priceless - he'll go on blabbering without even noticing that you aren't listening to him.

5. The problem that batsmen often face when playing against Australia is that the ball just doesn't come on the face of the bat, because of which most of the players get out Bowled, LBW, or caught behind when attempting to hit a wide ball. In order to make sure that the ball strikes the wooden leather every time, put stickers of Harbhajan Singh or S Sreesanth on the lower portion of your bat. The bowlers will make sure that each and every ball of them hit that part of the bat, so that they can fulfill their satisfaction of walloping them, but actually that will give easy hits to the batsman.

6. When batting against them, whenever one of their players make an appeal that is turned down by the Umpire, go and tell the bowler "Why are you appealing? He isn't Steve Bucknor!"

So, as a message to all those who are competing against Australia, remember that they aren't invincible. They might be a fantastic team, but can be easily defeated by making use of funky tactics and zingy management.

* - No racial stuff intended, please excuse. We Indians aren't racists, the biggest democracy in the world respects all races and religions.

Why (K)Ekta Kapoor must be appreciated

2008-01-19T14:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't come across an Indian household which is an exception to the fact that half of the members are devout followers of the K-Soaps churned out by Balaji Telefilms and the other half devout critics of the very same K-Soaps churned out by Balaji Telefilms.

This article of mine is not about criticizing Ekta Aunty Ke Fundey(as mentioned in the title), it is about glorifying the less-talked facets of The Queen of Indian Television(ahem!). As they say, Love her or Hate her, you just can't ignore her. I am not going to ignore her(otherwise I won't be able to continue with the article). I am not going to love her, neither am I going to hate her. I am just going to put forward a few Krazy(!) facts abut Ekta Aunty which you might not have observed and for which she must be applauded.

Here we go!

1. Take into account the employment that she has generated. Right now she might be having some 25-odd serials running on air. For each of these 25 serials she needs a lot of people - cameramen to capture the same scene from 6 different angles, video editors to repeat each scene thrice, sound mixers to add effects every time the camera hovers nonchalantly(and to add songs from Tusshar Kapoor's movies whenever possible), make-up men to make a 20 year old actress look like a 80 year old grandmother(after three 20-year jumps), two female artists essaying villainous roles, one female artist essaying the girl-next-door role, one male artist who essays a negative role for the first two seasons and positive role for the next two seasons(after which he is killed), and dozens of never-before-seen faces so as to add a "fresh look" to the serial every time the TRP's are dipping.

2. The sales of Saree's and Gold Jewelry have spurged tremendously. You may often find your neighbour's mother talking things like "Look at my Bindi, it was worn by Ramola Sikand when she killed Shaina", "This Necklace was worn by Tulsi when Mihir was brought back", etc.. Work for the designers of Sarees and Jewelery has certainly become easier, as they needn't think of path-breaking ideas in order to boost their sales. All they need to do is to follow Ekta Aunty's funday's regularly so that when a particular lady demands a particular set(mostly an expensive one) worn by a particular Vamp or a specific costume(mostly a heavy one) worn by a specific daughter-in-law, they'll have it in their store.

3. Discrimination on the basis of gender has decreased. If you read our ancient texts, you'll find out that our women were depicted as the ones with good character, values, etc.. In more than 99.99% of the cases the demons and destructors happened to be men. It was depicted as if women worked towards the betterment of society, whereas men did the reverse(I don't need to cite an example, there are hoards of them). Which isn't true, as we all know how girls actually are(I better put on my helmet, I am going to receive a lot of sandals soon). Our Ekta Aunty has worked in favour of us humiliated guys, as if you watch any of her serial you'll find out that women destroy families, take revenges from their own in-laws, are the root of all evil, etc., which is actually true(I may have to go underground for writing this, my female colleagues aren't going to spare me).

4. Work has become easier for the Indian News Channels. Now instead of presenting news in the mould of high standards set by CNN and BBC, all of them show the same news at the same time, and whenever an important event occurs they discard the old news item and keep on showing the same piece on and on for days. Even so, when advertisement comes on one channel, it comes on the other channels as well.

5. Astrologers and Numerologists. They can never remove the burden of success that they owe to our dear Aunty. Because of her, their business has increased, with even small kids saying "Mummy Mummy I want to become an Astrologer when I grow up!". Astrologers have started offering courses like "How to make use of the letter K" and "How to insert vowels without sounding silly"(they do sound silly, and we all know that). If this continues, parents might give their children names like Aashha, Eiesha, Mookeish, and Kkkkiran(Shah Rukh Khan would have loved this name!).

6. Unity. Despite the religion, caste, creed, whatever but not the gender, people of all age groups unite when the topic of discussion is Ekta Aunty. The males will go on bashing our dear Aunty, whereas the ladies will go on raving about how the new daughter-in-law in a particular serial is or how good was her mother-in-law's Kanjeevaram Saree(a few so called high class ladies, who feel that Aunty's fundey are too middle class, won't indulge in the discussion).

After reading the above, you must have realised how grossly underestimated is the lady with the K. We must unite and hail her tremendous efforts. She has done so much for all of us, we must give her something as a token of appreciation.

So, come on, shout with me "EKTA AUNTY, OOOOOOOOOOOOOO, JAI MATA DI LET'S ROCK!"(Oops, I guess this is what happens when all the Music Channels show the same Himesh Reshammiya's songs all the time, perhaps inspired by Ekta Aunty's fundey).

The Champion of Lost and Found

2007-11-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

Every good male homo sapien considers his mother to be the best mother in the world(and also the best cook) and his wife as the best wife(he has to, for obvious reasons). If he doesn't have a wife and is living with a room mate, he has to consider his room mate as the best.

Presently I am living with a room mate, who is affectionately called "Champ" by all of us. He has a multi-faced personality laced with exceptionally electrifying dimensions. He has played a big role in bringing a lot of foreign students to our college.

If I go on raving about him, then this post of mine will invite several controversies, hence I will stop here.

One fine Saturday, he came to our room after doing some important administration work in college (he is an important personality in our college). He got fresh, and was about to call someone when he got a shock as if he was struck by lightning.

He realised that his cell phone was missing!

He took immediate action by searching for it in the room. He looked in his almirah, wash room, table, bag, etc. but in vein. He called his cell phone from my cell, but as his cell was on vibration mode he couldn't hear anything. I also searched my belongings, knowing that the result will be fruitless but with the hope that probability of anything is never zero.

As the room search returned zero results, he decided to go back to the college office from where he had just returned. As the office was closed, he got the keys from the appropriate person so as to continue with the Treasure Hunt. Again, the result was nil. He came back to the room, and started recollecting the places he had visited. He remembered that he had visited his department, and his cell phone might have been left there. We got the phone number of the Head of Department, called him up and requested for help. But he wasn't able to help us, as the department was closed, and wouldn't be opened till Monday morning.

In between we made several calls to his cell. Ring was going, but no one was picking it up. Had it been stolen, the thief would have removed the sim from the cell, and so we came to the conclusion that the cell wasn't stolen.

But then, where was the cell phone, where could it be?

Saturday went, Sunday came, Sunday went, Monday came. The department search didn't bore any new result. It was deemed that the cell was lost. But how could it be lost, we were clueless. Champ isn't that careless. Or so we thought.

Monday went, Tuesday came. Tuesday was about to go when Champ went to the wash room, saw his trousers hanging on the hook, wore them, and viola, the cell was in one of its pockets.

"YOU ARE HOPELESS!" "OH MY GOD, HOW CAN YOU DO THAT?!?!" "PATHETIC!" "NO COMMENTS!" These were the words that instantaneously came out for Champ from his friends, me included.

Conclusions -
1. The probability of anything is never zero. In such situations always look for things at the place where you least expect them to be.
2. Make sure that if your friend does such a thing then he should give a huge treat to you so that he won't repeat such incidents in future.
3. This is what is called as "Moronically Memorable".
4. Champ should continue doing such things, I am getting posts for my blog!

The Advantages of Being Single

2007-10-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Being single is one of god's greatest gifts to humankind which ironically happens to be something that a lot of people(almost everyone) want to get rid of.

For all those people who are planning to jump the bandwagon, here is a list of positive reasons to why one need not be engaged in order to lead a blissful life.

1. (a)You turn on the radio and notice that a romantic song is being played. If your love life happened to be blossoming, then you'd stop all your work, sit down and tried to feel that song so that you'll get a divine feeling. You'll try to relate that song's lyrics with your love story and while listening may blush, get lost in another world, smile as if you'd never smiled so much, etc..

(b)If you had troubles in your relationship, then you'll listen to all sorts of sad songs by the likes of Atif Aslam and Himesh Reshammiya and will feel eased by relating yourself with their sad verses.

If you were of the type (a), you won't like the songs that (b) liked and vice-versa. But if you were single, it wouldn't matter much to you what kind of song were you listening to, you'll enjoy a sad song having catchy rhythm as well as a banal romantic song.

2. Just count the amount of money that you'll save. You won't have to go to a multi-cuisine resturant everyday, buy flowers that will lose fragrance in a few days, spend money on things like jewellery and video games that you may consider useless, etc.. All your money will be with you only, and you can do whatever you want to do with it.

3. Your relation with your parents will be affected in a positive way(unless you are a couch potato who spends his entire time at home doing things considered useless by everyone but you) as you'll spend more time with them. We have seen how relations take a drastic turn after someone's daughter runs away from home or someone starts paying more attention to his wife than mother. These things won't happen if you were single.

4. A tension-free life will become a part of your persona. It's a universal fact that married people have more tensions than singles, so this point doesn't warrent any further explanation.

5. As you won't have to devote special time to your someone special, you'll utilize that time in doing productive things. Hence your performance will be affected in a positive way and you'll make a lot of progress, personally as well as professionally.

6. Most important of them all, Freedom. You can do anything you want, there is no restriction from whomsoever. You do not have to change yourself in order to please someone, you can take the decisions you like, etc..

There are so many good things in life, and bachelorhood itself is a boon. So why not make the full use of it?

Please note that I haven't criticised those who are committed or married. Once I myself get involved in a relationship I may write another post entitled "The Disadvantages of Being Single"....

Let's Enjoy(?)

2007-04-29T04:01:00.000-07:00

One of the first notions that comes to a person's mind after coming to college (and especially when its away from home) is to enjoy life.

Generally speaking, enjoying life means being happy, to have fun, to feel cool, and to try out a lot of things that couldn't be possible at home.

I won't talk about the first three as I myself believe in them, but its the fourth one that I don't completely abide with.

The point that I am raising is, why are you doing something for which you feel regretful telling others about it? You might be taking pride in doing something in front of your friends, but in front of your parents you might be behaving like a, well I guess you got the point.

You may say that life is short, and so you should try to make the maximum out of it. But can you have everything in life? You can never have, and should be thankful about it.

Its common that you are doing something and you feel that what you are doing isn't right but you want to enjoy life. Is enjoyment getting a regretful feeling? Even if you don't do one particular thing it won't change the fact that you can't do millions of things in this world. Isn't it wise enough not to do that one regretful thing when there are many other things that you can't do? Living a honourable life gives a feeling of peace and compassion, and everyone isn't able to possess it.

Back in school, from 10th till Plus Two, I did some things for which I have a lot of regrets. They were mainly related to my thinking which has changed a lot now, but still I curse myself that I thought of such things. Back then I was happy that I had such a thought process without realising how wrong I was.

It might be long ago, but I haven't and will never forgive myself for that.

When I was in second year of engineering I started becoming serious towards life as I realised my actions are taking toll on others instead of me. I used to spend a lot of time recollecting things I had done in the past and as a result I started hating myself. I used to get upset thinking that hadn't I been like that these things wouldn't have happened to them. I made up my mind not to do things for which I will have regrets later on in the future. I still follow this, and think multiple times before making a decision. Its not that I don't take incorrect steps, but whenever I take such a step I feel bad, ponder over it and think how could I have made the correct decision.

If I feel that there is something wrong in me and I have to correct it, then I do that. In 2nd year B.E. I realised a lot of shortcomings in me which had developed as a result of cumulative negligience of my actions over the years. I was afraid that it would be difficult to correct them, as the procedure was long and time-taking. And I needed a lot of patience for that. A start had to be made, and I was reluctant to do that. But I made the start immediately as there was no use delaying because ultimately there was going to be a start. Though apprehensive regarding if it will work or not, I slowly and steadily continued the process.

What motivates me behind my actions isn't me, its others. I always feel that if I am not serious then my actions will have a negative impact on others, and it actually happens. When I blame others for their wrong-doings I am always able to relate that incident to something that I did, and then I try to make sure that I correct myself and don't repeat such an incident in the future.

You might be wondering why I am saying all this. Well, my actions take toll on others, and similar case might be with you also. Unknowingly you might be affecting someone's life.

Boy-caught

2007-04-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

I don't think guys will laugh much on this incident, anyways, here goes.

Few years ago, one fine day(these days it seems that all days are fine when you are at home), I was talking to my neighbours, both girls, one senior to me and the other junior. We were discussing about our schools, and after sometime touched the topic of our respective maths teachers.

We started discussing the similarities between them. Their teacher, a male, was the vice-principal of the school. My teacher, a female, was also the vice-principal of the school. She used to give preference to students who used to take tutions from her, and same was the case with their teacher. Also, he literally used to harass students not taking tutions from him, and similar case was with my teacher also. Both used to refer a particular book extensively and were the most discussed teacher among their fellow students.

Then the girl who was junior to me told the other girl that sir's wife has a boycut. Hearing this, I said that my teacher's husband also has a boycut.

Cricket - Its just a game

2007-03-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

At the time of writing, people across India are furious over their performance in the cricket world cup(they lost to Bangladesh and Sri Lanka). What was touted as a campaign that will end with Indian team returning with the gold seems as if now they fear returning to India. After all, when you have people who throw stones at your homes, who won't be scared?
I was wondering...
--> There are many corrupt people in India, and their incidences don't get publicised. Even when TV Programmes like Sansani(Star News) shows beurocrats taking bribe, how many of us go outside their homes and protest?
--> We ourselves are responsible for giving Cricket so much importance. In shooting, India has performed better than Cricket but how many of us actually pay attention to that sport? Their aren't academies to improve shooting skills of aspiring shooters and most of us won't buy a product if it hasn't been endorsed by a Cricketer or a movie actor/actress.
--> Are cricketers better than the people who come to our home to wash our dishes or clean the house? You must be baffled seeing the comparison, but the thing is, both are simply doing their job, as they dutifully have to do what has been assigned to them. Who knows, some of our domestic helpers were really good at cricket some time ago, but due to financial constraints couldn't make it big.
--> Are we really as expert in our fields as them? Ok, our team might not have won, but atleast they reached this stage. Can we claim ourselves to be the best in what we are doing? We ourselves know that there are people doing a better job than us and at times are hurt by comparisons. So why are we comparing others?
--> The time that is spent in watching a cricket match can be put for other activities also, and we all know that. Watching TV is one of the easiest things to do, and we can switch channels any time.
--> Finally, cricket is just a sport. There has to be a winner as well as a loser. According to my ideology a real sportsperson plays for more for enjoyment than winning. If you enjoyed whatever you were doing, then you won. I can't go on the field and practice foul play simply for winning the match.
I will be watching India's next match. Old habits die hard, I guess. Or,like many others patriotic supporters, I am still optimistic that one day India will be at the top, .

What is love?

2007-03-11T05:57:00.000-07:00

Last month, I didn't feel like eating at all, didn't used to get sleep at night and wasn't taking any interest at all in my activities.

When I told this to my friend, he replied that I must be in love. I said that no, love is just a normal thing.

Two weeks ago, my apetite increased severly, was sleeping quite a lot and was taking active interest in all my activities.

When I told this to another friend of mine, he replied that I must be in love. I said that no, love is just a normal thing.

Today I told all this to another friend of mine. He asked me how are things going with me now? I replied saying that everything is fine, I am eating properly, sleeping on time and regular stuff is going on.He said that it means you are in love, because everything is normal!

What do you feel exactly is love? All of us love in various forms, sometimes we exaggrate a few things and at times don't realise quite a lot of things.

First Post

2007-03-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

I don't welcome you to my blog if you came here thinking this was something great, because the purpose of blog is to waste time. I have started this blog as I don't feel like studying(I never feel like, even during exams!), and wish to do something creatively constructive(this blog should be better than my normal activities!). So if you wish to do useless timepass and have got nothing to do(like me), then this is the right place for you(I hope!).

I haven't tasted success for a long time, and this blog is a desperate attempt for achieving success. How is that, I am not exactly sure, because doing useless stuff isn't considered a success....

Anyways, for formality sake, welcome to my officially unofficial blog!